Day 115: Self-Medicating

 

Today is day 115 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and even though it was Saturday I was wide awake just after 6. It's a little spooky, because I've been waking up at 6:08 lately ... and my mother's birthday happens to be 6-8. Perhaps she is thinking of me ! I think about her every day.

Breakfast was 160 calorie waffles and an 80 calorie yogurt. I didn't have a morning snack. Lunch was a chef salad & 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese & 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. Dinner was broccoli & a 250 calorie meatloaf sandwich. Evening snack was a 140 calorie lemon zest cake. Total calories are 1020.

Today's exercise consisted of a walk to the post office and cleaning out the cabinet under my kitchen sink. Mice tend to get in there and leave their droppings so I pull everything out and sanitize. I also drop in a few d-con chunks for them to nibble on ! I also used the self-cleaning function on my oven today and then scrubbed the oven door. I'm embarrassed to admit I haven't cleaned the oven since I got it in 2018. It's super easy so now that I've done it, I'll be more inclined to do it on a regular basis.

After the post office I decided it was time to put the handles on the drawers of the file cabinet I got for Christmas. No rush ! Once that was done I sat down with my box of documents and other junk and started putting things into file folders. It took longer than I expected and I ended up with a huge pile of old stuff that needed to be shredded. Once I had everything filed I did the shredding too. I still have a few miscellaneous things to tuck away but the job is 95% done. I even forced myself to throw away several years worth of Walmart & Wegman's receipts. I was going to look through them and compare the changes in grocery prices but decided to just let that go. What would be the point ? We all know food prices have increased. I have a few items to follow up on, such as a brokerage account that is still in my maiden name. I have to fill out some forms and send that in to get the name changed and in sync with IRS records. I've known about this for several years and just ignored it. I also have some action items for health & dental insurance. I'm not even sure who my insurers are for medical, prescription or dental ! Dental should still be Cigna but I'm not 100% sure. Monday I'll check my coverage and document that. I haven't needed a doctor in years but at some point I need to check in on my health. I also need to make a dentist appointment as I haven't had a cleaning in a while and I have a broken tooth that will likely need a root canal and crown.

Picking up the topic of self-sabotage, the next sign on the list is Self-Medication. The article says the following:

Some self-saboteurs may unconsciously turn to overusing drugs or alcohol as a way to avoid working through difficult emotions or thinking about past trauma.

I would say food has always been my coping mechanism. I've admitted that on numerous occasions. Alcohol and drugs are really not my thing. I turned to chocolate when life got hard ! Starting Nutrisystem helped me lose the weight but considering I'm back where I am, I clearly didn't address the underlying causes of my tendency to overeat. I've wondered how I gained these 87 pounds because I honestly don't remember eating out of control. I used to indulge myself on casino day, but that was 1 day out of 7. I don't recall buying ice cream but there were plenty of times I used casino vouchers to buy candy. I think the biggest contributor to the weight gain was the lack of exercise and the candy. It's not like I started buying all kinds of "bad" food, but I was buying donuts and muffins at Wegman's. The more I think about it right now, it was the donuts, muffins, candy bars and lack of exercise. I WAS eating out of control ! I remember Christmas 2021 I brought home a big box of cookies from our family cookie exchange. I think I ate the entire box in less than 24 hours. Same in 2022. So yeah, I know where the 87 pounds came from but I don't know WHY I allowed it to happen. Life was good and I was happy .. so I got fat again ! Perhaps tomorrow's topic will help shed some light. It pertains to Perfectionism.

I suspect my new lawn mower is not going to arrive Monday since I haven't received a shipping notification. That's ok because there is rain in the forecast for most of the week. I'll plan on mowing next weekend because I don't want the grass to get too long. So I'm waiting on the mower and 2 orders from Nutrisystem. I'm also working on an Amazon order as some of my vitamins are getting low. I don't buy huge quantities in advance so I need to keep track of which ones are getting low.

On that note, I'm headed for bed ! Tomorrow is grocery day !