Day 99 to 104: So Much To Process

 

Today is day 104 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and it's been a few days since I've written anything. I've been agonizing over the siding for my house. My first estimate was $16,600. Second estimate was just under $40k, which I balked at and he switched to a lower grade siding to get to just under $30k. Third estimate was over $48k but I feel like it gives the biggest bang for my buck. Estimate #1 was basically just slapping some siding on the walls. Inexperienced kid just starting his business and I feel my project is too much for him. Estimate #2 was pretty much the same but included things like soffits, wrapping the windows and repairing the collapsing workshop. $2500 is built into the estimate to cover replacement wood. Estimate #3 includes insulating wall board, premium siding, wrapping all the windows and bringing them even with the siding. It also includes replacing the columns on my side patio as they are rotting, gutters on the front porch AND demolition of the workshop. The $48k price doesn't include any wood they have to replace around the house and that could add another $3k. I have another guy coming tomorrow to give an estimate and then I will make my final decision. Right now, believe it or not, I'm leaning toward the $48k estimate as it addresses everything that is really needed to make the exterior of my home complete. I also plan to replace the garage door. My basement access outside also needs a new cover but it's just a piece of plywood on hinges and that will be a good DIY project for me !

I've been agonizing over the decision because it basically means spending nearly everything I've inherited from my mom. Considering my past financial struggles, it's hard to let go of that kind of money. I'm trying to look at it this way: if my mother hadn't passed, I wouldn't have this money and I think she would be happy to see it spent this way. I could go the cheaper route but half of the house would still look like crap - so what would be the point ? The most expensive option will give me a 100% maintenance free exterior that will be beautiful. I'm so proud of the beauty of my interior and I really want to be proud of the exterior too. I would also expect to save on my winter heating bills and maybe be able to keep the temp at 70 or above in the house because of the insulating board. The original estimate was over $61k but (they say) I am getting a 22% discount because I'm paying cash. Although I have another estimate coming I have pretty much decided I'll be going with the most expensive option. I'll have to pay 1/3 up front and another 1/3 when they start, but they won't start until August or September, so most of the money will hang out in my savings account all summer !

What this experience is showing me is that I like having money in the bank ! For too many years I spent, spent, spent and didn't think about saving. I still expect to have $15-20k in the bank when this is all said and done, so it's not like I'm spending every penny I have. Still, I've resolved to start working harder to save more. I'm considering some little things like eliminating paper plates and bowls and plastic utensils. They're not cheap and the cost add up over time. I'm also not going to buy frivolous things that I really don't need. I'm really to a point where there is nothing I need so I'm only going to buy necessities. Groceries have gone up too so I need to also pay closer attention to what and where I'm buying. Things are typically cheaper at Walmart so I plan to get as much as I can there and only buy things like produce at Wegman's. I thought about buying big bags of frozen veggies but you have to watch that too ! At Wegman's this past weekend a small bag of frozen broccoli was $1.99 a pound but a big bag was $2 a pound ! I also need to wean myself off the cans of whipped cream. They are nearly $4 each and I use at least 2 a week. We'll see - I can't give up everything. Giving up the casino has been the biggest savings and I do not plan to go back. They tempted me recently by boosting my free play to $100 ! Well, the siding cost put an end to that !

I was surprised at the effect the siding saga has had on me. I was thinking $20-25k and the reality of the numbers hit me really hard. I had a tough time focusing at work, I couldn't sleep and I just felt sick. I couldn't motivate myself to exercise either. I sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out what to do. I sent the first estimate to my brother and his opinion was that if I intend to stay here (which I do) then it needs to be done. I felt pretty lonely because I had no one to discuss this with. Fortunately, I did not resort to food for comfort ! The remaining jar of caramels has not been opened ! I did eat the rest of the Hershey Kisses and Reese's peanut butter eggs but there wasn't much of that left. 

I started to emerge from the dark place I was in this past weekend. Saturday I went grocery shopping and treated myself to jalapeno cheddar burgers and some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. It was an alternative to going to DQ. The 2 burgers were$7.91 but this was 2 meals (Sunday and Monday). I bought a package of 4 rolls and they were $4. The ice cream was something ridiculous like $4.99 each and a definite splurge. I have to say, the burgers were amazing ! I circled Wegman's about 6 times looking for potato salad but they had none. We had a few days of record warmth and I think everyone was cooking out. I suppose it's good that I didn't have those extra calories. I ate one pint of the ice cream but I'm keeping the 2nd one for another day. Sunday my younger sister came over and colored my hair for me, so I'm blonde again ! That felt good too. Since I was having company it was an incentive to get the house cleaned up. I'm also working harder to keep it that way !

So yesterday I started to buckle back down at work and get some things accomplished. I had limited success because I'm working on some complicated items, but today I made more headway and I'm starting to feel better about everything. Every day I feel a little better mentally. 

Breakfast today was waffles and that is my favorite ! Morning snack was a chocolate shake. Lunch was the usual chef salad and pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was cottage cheese & oatmeal cookies. Dinner was broccoli and a cranberry brie stuffed turkey breast. I'm sad it was the last one and the item is no longer available. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake. 

I got my 3 workouts in today for the first time in a while ! I spent 75m44s plus 18 minutes of warm up/cool down for a grand total of 93m44s - not bad !

The last time I published was 4-12 and on 4-13 I wrote a post that I never finished or published. It was an awful day and it just dawned on me that April 13 was Alex's birthday. Is it a coincidence that my day sucked ?  I was tempted to get out the jar of caramels that is lurking in my fridge. Instead I put myself to work rearranging the living room. In the dead of winter I move the couch away from the heat register so that the heat is not trapped behind the couch. It seems to help keep the house a little warmer. I'll be interested to see what difference the siding makes in my heating bills next winter ! It feels good to have the living room back to normal and I have plenty of room for the Total Gym now. I can also sit on the couch and watch tv without having to turn my head. While I was rearranging the furniture I knocked over the table that my meatloaf sandwich was sitting on and ended up with ketchup and pickle relish on the carpet. I cleaned that up with some Resolve carpet cleaner, finished cleaning up the living room, vacuumed the carpet and then made a new sandwich. My day was pretty chaotic (in my mind) but I didn't allow myself to resort to candy for comfort. Shortly after 8 pm one of my smoke detectors decided they needed a new battery. I couldn't tell which one it was, so I replaced all 3 in the downstairs. Fortunately, I had bought a big package of 9 volt batteries but I'm going to add them to my shopping list so I never run out. I'm just glad they didn't wait until 2 am - which is when that usually happens ! Alex has been gone for almost 9 years now and regardless of our relationship, I hope he is resting peacefully.

My April 13 post also reflected on the approach (now passed) of 100 days of this journey. I will address that tomorrow as I'm tired !

Today I will check all of the boxes on my schedule and I've added a new item: litter boxes. It's easy when you scoop them every day AND the laundry room stays cleaner. When I don't the task often becomes overwhelming.

It's nearly 9 pm and I need to shower and finish my vitamins before heading for bed.