Day 134: Bright and Early !

 

Today is day 134 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and although I was awake at 5:10 am, I did not want to get out of my nice warm bed ! It was a brisk 30 degrees outside but my house was warm and cozy. I gave up trying to get back to sleep just before 6 am. I think the cats enjoyed the early feeding, but now they'll be ahead of schedule for the rest of the day ! 

Breakfast was 150 calorie pancakes with sugar free syrup and an 80 calorie yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie vanilla shake. Lunch was a chef salad & 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese & 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. Dinner was the last 2 hotdogs. Evening snack was a 140 calorie lemon zest cake. Total calories for the day would be a guess so we'll go with 1200+.

Since the garage is in good shape and I won't have much more room until the trash is gone, I pushed myself back onto my treadmill schedule today. I got 34m52s in during lunch but didn't have the motivation to get back on after work.

My earlobe is looking and feeling a lot better today ! Taking the Benadryl was definitely the right thing to do and it had the added benefit of helping me sleep the past 2 nights !

In yesterday's blog I touched on my father's cancer diagnosis. That came in 2008 while I was estranged from my family. My brother contacted me to let me know my father was having major surgery, so of course I called my parents and I was also at the hospital the day my dad had surgery. The cancer diagnosis was a shock to all of us but the surgeon felt like they got it all. Although they referred him to an oncologist, they didn't recommend chemo or radiation and instead opted for scans every 6 months. I often wonder if chemo would have spared him the 2011 reoccurrence that took his life in January 2012. At the time my family had zero experience with cancer or major illnesses, so we didn't question the treatment. Live and learn ! One regret I do have is that I didn't attend the 50th wedding anniversary party my siblings threw in 2009. I didn't have the money to chip in and I was embarrassed by my weight, plus Alex did not want to go and I was embarrassed to go alone. Alex pretty much refused to go to any family functions and it caused many arguments and a lot of heartache for me. He felt they didn't like him (they didn't) and I think he was jealous of my other brother in laws. I also wasn't feeling well in 2009 and was ultimately diagnosed with leukemia that October. All summer I had struggled with a painful rash on my legs that I thought was poison ivy. Again I had been out doing yard work when the rash appeared ! I was sick on and off and just not feeling good. I ultimately ended up at the doctor because I kept getting sick, had shortness of breath and couldn't eat. I had even stopped drinking coffee. My doctor first attributed my issues to my weight and suspected heart trouble. I think I had a chest x-ray that day and she scheduled me for a echocardiogram. At a follow up appointment, I wasn't eating at all and had lost over 10 pounds. She sent me for bloodwork. Those results brought a frantic phone call from her and an immediate referral to the cancer center. Lucky for me she was friends with a top oncologist who agreed to see me right away. My mom and dad came with us to my first appointment, where I had the first bone marrow biopsy. I was pretty dazed at this turn of events and the rest is history. I'm not going to rehash that journey again. Suffice to say it was no picnic but my mom & dad were there throughout. It helped start to repair the relationship and I'm glad I got to spend the last couple years of my dad's life on better terms. His terminal cancer diagnosis came in early December 2011 and he was gone in January. In a sense, it was a blessing because he clearly had the start of Alzheimer's, but we were not ready to let him go. Alex was in the hospital during my dad's final days and I was trying to go to both hospitals, work full time and care for my dogs & cats. It was a struggle that I didn't handle well. The day my dad died was the same day Alex was being released. This was another hospital stay for infections related to his poorly managed diabetes and poor hygiene. He kept getting cellulitis. Alex had type 2 diabetes, a-fib, sleep apnea and congestive heart failure on top of weighing nearly 500 pounds. His heart just couldn't take the strain when he passed in August 2014. He'd just spent time in the hospital for yet another infection and was feeling a lot better, so his passing was sudden and a complete shock. I missed the Alex that I first met in 1997 but he had been gone for a long time. I never wished him to die but my life would have continued the downward spiral if he hadn't. His medical expense were a drain on me and his attitude toward my family had sucked the life out of me. Hopefully he is at peace now. Our relationship was turbulent and abusive. I don't miss that chaos. Life is good now, despite the current drama when it comes to my job. You know what ? Whatever happens, happens. It's out of my control and I will be fine !

Work was busy but not very productive. As expected, the meeting with our Director didn't give us a good feeling about the future of our jobs. Seems the managers in the center in Florida (that we support) are fine "for now" but the rest of us don't know our fate. The best thing that could happen is they grant us an exception and things stay as is, but it didn't sound like that was likely. The next best thing would be a "virtual" assignment to the nearest office (Bedminster NJ) and having to go there one day a month. Our team joked we'd carpool and drive down together ! Worst case would be a full time office assignment to someplace that is not nearby and having to either move or resign. I won't resign - they will have to fire me and then I'll take severance, unemployment and my pension. I'm not sure I want to move for this company, because they could turn around and lay me off at any time. I might consider moving if any of my colleague's opt to move. There is strength in numbers ! If that doesn't happen, I'll have enough money to see me through until I can find a new job. I just need to work a little more than 4 years to reach age 65 and then I can take Social Security. I look at it this way: the past 4 years were a gift, as I could have lost this job back in 2019. I was given 4 years to get my finances in order and straighten out my life - and I did that ! I'm in a much better place today, so it's not quite so scary. It still sucks and I'm still sad and I'm still worried, but I'll be ok. The worst thing is being in limbo and not knowing your fate. Financially, I will be fine - thanks to the $318k in my 401k ! 

On that note, it's time for bed !