Day 1: Here We Go !

 

It's here! Today is the day! Day 1 of Nutrisystem 2.0!!! Day 1 of what I hope will be the last time I need to focus hard on losing a ton of weight. Day 1 of what I hope to be the rest of my long life as a thin person. I have no one to blame for my current situation, other than myself. I chose to eat out of control, and I knew the pounds were piling back on, but I ignored it. I fooled myself for a long time because I was able to fit in my size 10 jeans. Well, they're stretch, and they stretched to the max until I could no longer breathe if I wore them. Eventually there was nothing I could do to get them on. I've seen plenty of memes about the "new year, new me" bs that rolls out every January, but today I really hope this is it for me. I had a successful "new year, new me" in 2019, so I know it's possible if you work hard.

Work hard. Hard work. That is the key. Losing weight is hard. Getting physically fit is hard. I know all this as I've already been through it. I also know that I survived, thrived and succeeded. I have no excuse to be in the pathetic state I am today. Part of my issue is there is no one other than me to keep me accountable. This is why I went public with my quest back in 2019. It wasn't about getting attention or soliciting compliments. It was about knowing that if I failed everyone would know. The semi-perfectionist in me wasn't willing to fail. As my weight increased, I drifted away from social media because I wasn't able or willing to admit what has happened. Today it's too hard to consider doing this publicly because I failed miserably and I'm not willing to put that out there. The wound is so raw and I'm so ashamed. I really am. Of course, my family can see the weight I've gained, and they haven't said anything. I'm sure they've talked about it privately, but no one called me out on it. It's not like it would have helped as I can be very stubborn, and they know that. Also, it's not like I didn't know what was happening. I did and I chose not to do anything about it, so it's 100% on me.

Did I feel different when I got up this morning? I did! I felt a lot more hopeful than I have in a long time. I felt like I had a purpose again. One thing I noticed is I was not starving, despite the fact that I kept my word and did not eat when I went to bed. Since I wasn't starving, I opted to wait to have breakfast and about 9 am my stomach let me know it was time. Breakfast was a 160-calorie package of buttermilk waffles with sugar free syrup. The syrup has 5 calories in 2T, so they are negligible and not counted. I was hungry again at about 10:40 and I realized that was because I hadn't eaten my yogurt. I finally had that 80-calorie yogurt at about 11:30. About 12:45 I made myself a bowl of salad. I use fat free dressing that is 15 calories per 2T. I don't count these calories either. Afternoon snack was the usual 80 calorie cottage cheese and 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. I worked until 7 tonight and hunger hit around 6:30. I threw a bag of brussel sprouts in the microwave and those got me through until 7. Dinner was a 230-calorie ravioli with meat sauce entree. My evening snack was a 130-calorie strawberry shortcake cupcake with a squirt of fat free whipped cream. Total calories for today are 990. I'm proud that I didn't cheat at all, and I don't feel like I'm starving. I'm allotted 1200 calories so when I add the pre-workout protein shake tomorrow, I'll be closer to 1200. One thing I am trying to do it eat when I am hungry, not because it's "time". The later in the day I eat, the less the chance I will be tempted to snack in the evening. 

I suspect some of the reasons I strayed for so long is I got bored with the food I was eating. I can't even stomach the thought of the roasted veggies I used to eat every day with my dinner. It was a mix of carrots, green beans, broccoli & brussel sprouts. These are all veggies I love but after 2+ years I was tired of the mix. I used to make a giant sheet pan of them and put them in small containers in the fridge. By the time I finished them they were pretty soggy and unappetizing and probably not really safe to eat. This time around I will make fresh veggies every night to have with my dinner. It helps that I bought bags of frozen veggies you can just throw in the microwave to steam right in the bag. Convenience is important to me as I don't really like to cook. I also started adding a little bit of a butter flavored salt that I actually bought for popcorn. It's a total game changer and adds lots of flavor with no calories. When I first started Nutrisystem I avoided added salt, but I've come to the realization that in small quantities it is fine. It's not like there are any "calories" in salt and I don't add it to anything else. Also, if you drink plenty of water you flush the excess salt away. Speaking of which, I also need to work harder to get 80 ounces of water in every day. I'm probably getting about 40 now, so it's a start, but it's not enough.

I weighed myself before breakfast and I'm at 245. One pound to go to earn that 60-pound bear back! My ultimate goal weight is 150 but I didn't reach that before and I'm not sure I can. I got to about 160 before (yes, I lied about reaching my "goal weight" of 154) and I was happy comfortable at that weight.

Last night I restarted my self-care routine at bedtime, something I haven't done in a long time either. It's nothing more than a shower, brushing my teeth and applying skin care but it's a relaxing way to end the day and it's something I haven't done in a long, long time. It's a pattern I see in myself. When I let myself go, I let everything go. I plan to continue this evening routine. Part of my problem was I'd wait until too late in the evening and then I was "too tired" to shower, so I'd just go to bed. Ugh. So gross. So now I'm taking my shower earlier (before 8 pm) to ensure I get it in. 

I didn't get any exercise in today. I opted to pick up my mail during my lunch break as it's been a few weeks since I did that. Fortunately, my mailbox wasn't stuffed to the max. I also cleaned up a few things around the house, so I didn't sit on my butt the entire hour. Since I worked until 7 an evening workout wasn't going to happen either. Tomorrow will be different even if I work late. I promise right now that I will be on that treadmill at noon tomorrow.

I made it through Day 1, and it seemed pretty easy. I know that every day won't be like this so I'm going to have to be vigilant and not get too complacent. That is what got me the last time around. Weekends are going to be the test because I tended to go off track with snacking on weekends.  I'll be taking down my Christmas stuff so hopefully that will keep me occupied and not thinking about food. With Saturday casino trips off the schedule, I have a lot of free time. I go to the grocery store but that only kills a couple hours. I have plenty of things around the house that need to be done so I can keep busy if I put my mind to it. That is the key ... putting my mind to it! Achieving anything in life requires hard work and putting your mind to it. This is where I am right now and it's going to be a daily struggle, but I'm up for the challenge! 

Onward to Day 2!