One Day To Go

Today is the last day before I embark on the rest of my life. Yeah, that's dramatic and I've said it before, but I really need to psych myself out to work harder to make the diet and exercise changes a lifestyle. I didn't do that last time around. Oh, I said they were but, in the end, I let myself stray off track and couldn't seem to find my way back. I wish I could say lesson was learned and it won't happen again, but I'm not that confident in myself. Discipline and consistency are hard no matter what you are trying to achieve. I know I have it in me as I lost over 150 pounds. The part I failed at was maintaining and while I understand that is common it's just not acceptable to me. 

Tomorrow is the start of Nutrisystem 2.0 for me. Losing weight is more than just reducing your calorie intake. It's about changing your mindset when it comes to food. I thought I did that but clearly it was not enough. Losing weight requires hard work and exercise is a key factor too. So tomorrow will find my fat ass back on the treadmill. I know it's going to be hard, but I also know I can do this. Since this is my second time around, I don't have that fear of the unknown and therefore I have more confidence in my ability to succeed.

I didn't use today as an opportunity to overindulge. I had my Nutrisystem breakfast (pancakes with sugar free syrup and a strawberry cheesecake yogurt) and a Nutrisystem hamburger for lunch. I did add a slice of cheese (45 calories), a scoop of dill relish (free item) and a packet of ketchup. The calories in the ketchup are negligible so I don't have to count them. I didn't feel like salad, so I skipped that for today. I also didn't have my morning snack. I'm not consciously trying to starve myself, but I haven't had a morning snack in quite a while so I'm out of the habit. Tomorrow I will bring that protein shake back! Between lunch and afternoon snack I had about 1/3 cup of mixed nuts. Afternoon snack was the usual cottage cheese and 2 oatmeal cookies. The cookies do meet the protein, fiber and calorie requirements for Nutrisystem but I'm planning on phasing them out. They've gotten expensive and the quality doesn't seem to be as good. It's $6.50 for 8 cookies, which is 4 servings. I'm also kind of tired of them. I'm planning to switch to cheese and whole grain crackers. Dinner tonight was the last 2 hot dogs and a big bowl of steamed green beans. Evening snack was the last apple cinnamon muffin with a glass of low-fat milk. I know everybody is into the plant based "milk" but I'll take the old fashioned straight from a cow milk every day!

I weighed myself this morning without clothes and I tipped the scales at 246. My first stretch goal is to reach 199, so that is 47 pounds. I have all of my milestone bears from Nutrisystem and I'll be earning them back one by one as I go. I need to reach 244 to earn back the 60-pound bear. So, my first mini goal is to lose 2 pounds. I'd like to think I will have that bear by the weekend and be well on my way to earning back the 70-pound bear. Nutrisystem doesn't give the bears away anymore so I'm happy to have all of mine, including the "goal" bear!

When I head up to bed tonight, I will be removing the barrel of pretzels and the tub of Planters trail mix from my bedside table. There will be no more eating in bed. I've been easing into these changes over the past week, so I feel pretty prepared to get back to it tomorrow. 

I've been thinking a lot about how I got here, and I haven't found any concrete answers. I can't pin it on any one thing. I guess I just chose the comfort of food to fill the emptiness in my life. I think part of it is the fact that my life really didn't change much after I lost the weight. I don't really know what I expected, so I can't even say what was missing. I just fell right back into my old habits. It's astonishing how quickly my weight got out of control and how hard it is to get back on track.

I hope to be wildly successful, but I'm realistic enough to admit I'm not confident in my ability to stick to the diet and exercise. The fact that I work from home and no longer go to the casino does help because if I don't keep the "junk" in the house there will be few opportunities to stray. There will be no more side trips to DQ after grocery shopping. There will be no more sugar filled coffee drinks or pastries at the casino. No calorie heavy restaurant meals. I'd love to lose 30 pounds by March 31 - that's a super stretch goal but it's reasonable.

Exercise is going to be the hardest habit to get back because I lost all of the endurance I had built up. I'm starting at square one and that makes me sad. My plan is to return to the beginner workouts that I started with back in 2019. Back then I did the same workout every night until it got easy, then I'd move on to a new one that was a little longer or a little faster. I want to set up the Total Gym again too, which I will do as soon as I put my Christmas decor away this weekend.

Nutrisystem helped me out by bringing back some of my favorite foods. My favorite breakfast item is their waffles, and they were gone for a short time. I was so happy when they came back! My favorite lunch item is their pepperoni pizza melt. I eat that almost every day and I was heartbroken when it was discontinued. Fortunately for me it too came back! A dinner favorite has come back now as well - their meatloaf sandwich! I am super excited about this one! I also picked up a box of Jimmy Dean Delights at Costco, which are breakfast sandwiches. They are English muffins with a turkey sausage patty, egg white patty and a slice of cheese. They are so much better than Nutrisystem's breakfast sandwich. Nutrisystem's sandwich is 210 calories and Jimmy Deans are 270. I don't think an extra 60 calories will matter, considering I won't eat these every day. I used to also make sugar free jello to have as a treat and I stopped doing that. I have plenty of jello in the cupboard, so I plan to make some soon.

Sweets have been my biggest problem all my life so I'm going to have to break the sugar habit yet again. I feel like that's going to be easier than expected because I ate a lot of Christmas cookies and I'm now tired of them. I do not want to see another cookie anytime soon! I actually have a partially eaten box of shortbread cookies that may end up in the trash because I have no desire to eat them. I also consumed a lot of candy and in the past few days I've had no desire for it. I can see that the fewer carbs I consume, the less cravings I have. 

So, I feel like I'm ready for this challenge. I'm ready to get these 87 pounds off and this time I plan to keep them off. I can't wait to slide back into my size 10 jeans and my size small tops. I have all these pretty clothes I can't wear, and it is just killing me. I planned on exercising twice a day starting tomorrow but I agreed to work some overtime, so I may only get one workout in. I'm ok with that for this week since I'm just getting started.

Winning that $500 at the casino felt like a powerful message from above. We all agreed that mom was with us in spirit that night and I know she will be with me in spirit as I work to get the weight back off. Before she died, I promised her that I would, and I know she believed me. She was so proud of me for losing the weight. I have that money set aside and my plan is to treat myself to something once I return to my goal weight. There's a little incentive!