Day 42: Be My Valentine

 

Day 42 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and it's Valentine's Day ! I was awake before 7 today and actually got up, instead of lingering in bed until the alarm. I didn't check the outdoor temp but it was definitely warmer than it has been, because there was no chill in the air upstairs and no frost on the ground outside. At 6 pm it was still 40 degrees and it was up to at least 45 earlier. We had a lot of sun today too, which was wonderful to see. I've talked about this before, but the sun makes me feel so much better. It lightens my mood and it's part of the reason I love working out on the front porch all summer. 

Breakfast was 160 calorie buttermilk waffles with sugar free syrup and an 80 calorie yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake. Lunch was a chef salad and 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 180 calorie cheese & crackers. Dinner was broccoli and 220 calorie rotini with meatballs. Evening snack was a 140 calorie chocolate cupcake. I also had that Valentine cookie I promised myself. Guess what ? After a few weeks in the freezer they aren't very good .. so the other 2 went in the trash. Total calories for the day are 1120. The cookie puts me over 1200, but not by much.

I got a late start on my lunchtime workout so I started with the Valentine's Day challenge that iFit has going. It was just a boring studio workout. The trainer was doing jogging and running interval so I used my own settings. It was just over 29 minutes. I started at 2.6 mph until I got to the 25 minute mark. I bumped it up to 2.7 and then added 0.1 mph every 5 minutes until I got to 10 minutes to go. At this point I bumped it another notch at 6 minutes, then at 4 minutes, 2 minutes and 1 minute. So I got up to 3.2 mph, which USED to be my STARTING speed !! I'll get back there, it's just going to take time. After work I started the Atlas Mountains at 2.6 mph, bumped it up to 2.7 at 25%, 2.8 at 50% and as I approached 75% I had to stop. I got very, very weak and as much as I wanted to keep pushing through I just couldn't do it. As soon as I ate dinner I felt better. This has happened before, so I'm not worried about it. I probably should have had dinner first but I always hesitate to do that, because once I sit down it's hard to motivate myself to get off the couch ! I may not have finished workout #2 but I got over 60 minutes total on the treadmill today and I'm happy with that. My Fitbit shows me that my resting heart rate has come down. In November it was near 70 and now I'm hovering around 60. This shows me that my efforts on the treadmill is paying off.

Today was trash day and I lucked out, because just as I rolled my bin out to the curb I saw the trash truck was at the end of my street ! Had I waited a few more minutes I'd have missed them ! I don't put trash out every week in the winter because I only have 1 bag and the bin is gigantic. I had a busy day at work but didn't get everything done I'd have liked to. I have a couple of really ugly issues that I need to unravel and that's going to take some time. I did manage to squeeze in a couple of elective training classes, so I'll be ahead of the game when it comes time to set goals for 2023. Corporate years are odd, because we have to hand in our accomplishments in November (so what you do in December never counts) and we don't set targets until March or April. So you really only have 7 or 8 months to complete your goals. I always find myself scrambling at the end of the year to get training classes done, so this year I decided to get ahead of the game. Some are assigned to us and others we choose ourselves. I've completed everything that was assigned so I'm working on some things I chose myself. If I'm honest, I have zero interest in "development" at this point in my career. I've been there for almost 38 years and I have zero desire to advance or take on a different role. I chased advancement for years and finally gave up when I realized how political it was. What is ironic is that many of the people who looked down on me are gone now, mostly due to layoffs. What does that tell you ? I never wished anything bad on anyone but I'd be lying if I said I was sorry to see some of them get the boot ! I've never looked down on anyone in my career and I've never tried to be anything more than what I am. People judged me on looks and fashion and my weight, I'm sure. All the while they were judging me I was learning everything I possibly could and working harder than anyone .. and I'm still there and at the top of my game. I'm perfectly content to continue doing what I'm doing until I'm ready to retire.

“If people are doubting how far you can go, go so far that you can’t hear them anymore.”

Seems like a timely quote for self-love ! Professionally I'm there .. I definitely can't hear the naysayers. Personally, well who knows. No one outside of my family is aware just how much weight I gained back. I alluded to it in my prior blog (which I no longer update) but only admitted to maybe 30 pounds. I don't post any pics of myself right now on social media. Before she died my mother said that no one in the family had said anything about my weight, but I'm sure they talked about it - just maybe not to my mother. They all noticed I was gaining weight and not one person said anything. I respect that, because I would not have listened and probably wouldn't have done anything differently. That is just the way I am. I want to post selfies again so I need to get this weight off ! I bought a tripod and selfie stick so I could take nicer pictures ! My family accepts me the way I am so at this point I'm doing what I'm doing for my self. Losing the weight and getting fit is my self-love. 

It's been a pretty lonely Valentine's Day. It's really just another day for me. It always has been. The only time Alex made a big deal about Valentine's Day was in 2010 when I was still undergoing treatment for leukemia. He brought a huge shopping bag full of chocolate to the hospital, along with a big stuffed heart that I hung on my IV pole. He liked to be the "big shot" so that is likely why he went all out. The nurses thought he was just the greatest guy ever. Little did they know what a jerk he was. I never got anything from him after that. Full disclosure: I never got anything for him either. I though that when I lost the weight I might find someone to spend the rest of my life with. It didn't happen and I don't know if it ever will. I haven't given up hope that one day I might find someone who appreciates me for who I am. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, I'll survive - I always do.

On that note I'm heading for bed !