Day 44: Finding Acceptance

 

Day 44 of Nutrisystem 2.0. I got up shortly after the alarm but didn't have much time to relax and enjoy my first cup of coffee before it was time for work ! Weather today was quiet and gloomy. No sun but it warmed up to the low 40's. Tomorrow looks to be a rainy day but the weekend is expected to be dry. Right now we have no snow in the forecast but that could change at any time. For right now I'm going to enjoy the warmer days and the lack of snow ! The days are definitely getting longer and that's always a good thing !

Breakfast was 150 calorie pancakes with sugar free syrup and an 80 calorie yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie vanilla shake. Lunch was green beans and a 220 calorie burrito. Afternoon snack was 180 calorie cheese & crackers. Dinner was broccoli and 260 calorie roasted turkey medallions. Evening snack was a 140 calorie chocolate cupcake. Total calories for the day are 1150.

First workout of the day was 33 minutes in the Atlas Mountains. I went with 2.5 mph the first 25%, then added 0.1 mph at the 50 and 75% marks. After work was a 19.5 minute walk in Mexico to finish off the Tommy Rivs Road to Recovery series, part 1. For this I started at 2.5 mph and at 16 minutes to go I increased to 2.6, then 2.7 at 12 minutes to go and 2.8 at 8 minutes to go. When I got to 4 minutes to go I increased to 2.9 and then added 0.1 mph each minute. So I ended the walk at 3.2 mph. I wore my new Hoka's today and they definitely have a different feel. I had to switch to thinner socks after my lunch workout because they felt too tight. They'll stretch a little bit, so I just have to be patient and break them in. 

My work day was so much better today. I got a really nice email from someone complimenting my work, and wow did I ever need that ! I was able to close 6 or 7 projects and have 2 or 3 more that might close tomorrow, so my work list is looking really good. My boss sent me over a couple new things, so I'll get those started tomorrow. I also have some complicated items to work on. I left them alone today to focus on other things. I had the opportunity to speak with my boss for a while and she assured me I didn't need to worry about the missteps I made. In fact, she basically said I'm the reason our team results have been so good lately. That felt good and just encourages me to continue working hard. 

I was tempted to work late again tonight but I didn't. I shut down at 5, fed the cats and got my workout done. By 6:30 I was done eating and ready to relax ! I looked for a self-love quote for the day and this one stopped me:

“Self-love has very little to do with how you feel about your outer self. It’s about accepting all of yourself.”

This wasn't the first quote about self-love that I found today. I deleted the first one because I didn't feel it was true or worth analyzing. The one above I can go along with, because you do have to accept yourself. You have to accept yourself just as you are, flaws and all. That doesn't mean you can't improve yourself. I think you have to accept yourself before you can change anything. I've spent most of my life being ashamed of the way I look on the outside, even though the person I am inside has always been amazing. My mother always said I had a big heart. I've often thought that people didn't give me a chance because of the way I looked, but maybe part of the problem was my own perception of myself. I didn't put any value on myself, so why would anyone else ? It amazes me every day that I have suddenly become this rock star at work and that my colleagues think of me as this amazing brainiac. I personally think the core part of my team, including my boss, are all brainiacs ! Together we are amazing, each in our way ! To me, that is what being a team is all about. My professional life has always been much less chaotic than my personal life. It has been the constant that kept me going through so many years of grief. When I started Nutrisystem back in 2019 the goal was to leave all the heartache of the past behind and emerge to a better life. I think I've done that but still, I'm not happy and part of me thinks that is because I haven't yet accepted myself. So maybe I need to focus on that. At some point the little "why bother" that is sometimes on repeat in the back of my mind will be silenced.

On that note, I'm taking myself off to bed. Tomorrow is Friday already and I have Monday off, so it's a long weekend ! I have a lot to do around the house so I will keep busy, that is for sure !