Day 112: Self Sabotage

 

Today is day 112 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and it was a brisk 38 degrees when I got up. Glad to have a toasty warm house ! I was awake around 6:15 and got up shortly after 6:30. By 7 am the bed was made, the cats were fed and I was enjoying my first cup of coffee.

Breakfast was 150 calorie pancakes with sugar free syrup. I never got around to having my yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie vanilla shake. Lunch was a chef salad & 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese & 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. Dinner was broccoli and a 190 calorie artichoke & spinach stuffed chicken breast. Evening snack was a 130 calorie strawberry shortcake cupcake. Total calories are 980.

First and only workout of the day was just a second or two under 28 minutes, 26 of which I maintained a pace of 3 mph. I made sure to have my shoes & socks on long before noon so there would be excuses to not work out !

Work was busy today but that was the plan ! I was able to get most of my new projects started and also put in some work on one complicated mess that has been hanging around for 6 months. My goal is to have that done this week. The overtime I was granted has really made the difference and I'm really grateful for that.

This morning I was thinking about where I am in this journey and I'm still sad that I haven't lost more weight. I wondered if I am sabotaging myself so I did a google search on this behavior. I found an article in Forbes that outlined 7 self-sabotaging behaviors and decided to examine them, one by one. First up is Procrastination. Ouch. I am most definitely guilty of this one. Here's the full text:

Procrastination, or putting something off and making excuses, is a common self-sabotaging behavior. Excuses are made to attempt to justify an unnecessary delay that prevents you from reaching a goal. For example, you might put off studying for a test because you fear failing, or you might tell yourself you don’t have time to meet with a nutritionist, so you can’t work on eating more healthily this month.

Double ouch. I am totally a procrastinator. I think my avoidant personality factors into this, but that is no excuse. Ouch. There's that word: excuse. Read the highlighted area above. I have mastered the art of excuses. Right now I'm not exercising in the evening because I'm working late. Total excuse. I could walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes at 7 pm OR I could have exercised this morning since I was up early. I also could have exercised during lunch yesterday - I totally used an excuse there. Once I run through the 7 behaviors I'll examine ways to start addressing this. Will it help ? I don't know. I know myself. I know where I'm falling down in this journey. I know what I need to do to be successful. I just fall short on execution, over and over, and I'm not sure how you fix that. Perhaps part of the problem is that I am accountable to no one. Wait - that is wrong. I am accountable to ME. The problem is there are no consequences. When I fail I just make an excuse and keep plowing ahead. This is not procrastination, but here's something I need to think about: this past Sunday when I went grocery shopping I had pizza in mind. I looked at fully cooked pizzas in Wegman's and spent $11 for a medium pizza that looking unappetizing ! I wanted pizza so badly that I spent that money on something that didn't even look delicious. What does that mean ? Honestly, I'm not sure but it's a problem. In the end the pizza was pretty good but not worth $11. For one, it was clearly made with cheap cheese as it was a sea of grease after I reheated it. Here's the thing: I thought about buying the ingredients to make pizza and that is what I should have done. In hindsight, it wasn't so much that I wanted pizza. I have pizza melts every day so it's not like I'm deprived. I just wanted a "treat" I think and it was the wrong choice. What I've really been craving is tacos and I could easily incorporate that into Nutrisystem. There are low carbs wraps and low fat sour cream so the only area to watch is limiting the meat and cheese. I've tried low fat cheese and it's awful, so I'd rather add a modest amount of the real stuff. Okay - enough about food and this is off topic anyways. In summary, I'm a HUGE procrastinator and I can easily address this if I put my mind to it. Tomorrow I'll look at the next sign, which is Courting Temptation. Ironic, considering the pizza debacle !

I guess I'm just a hot mess and truthfully, that will probably never change. LOL ! In reality, I have succeeded in some areas of my life. Back in January 2019 I set 3 goals: lose weight, get fit and pay off my credit card debt. I achieved all 3 goals but I rarely give myself any credit for that. Once my cards were paid off I started paying off any card I used in full every month. I never carry a balance and I don't pay any interest or fees. I may have backtracked on the weight and fitness but I never lost focus on my finances. I've reached a point now where my income exceeds my monthly expenses and I can save more. Giving up the casino was a huge accomplishment too. I even stopped watching the slot channels I used to watch on YouTube, because they don't interest me anymore. My favorite channel lost it's appeal because the guy launched a slot app and does nothing but beg people to download it. I gave it a try and it's a piece of crap. I'm going in the right direction with my weight and fitness, so there IS hope for me. 

On that note, it's time to wrap this up. I need to feed Abby one more time and see if the sheets in the dryer are done and then head for bed.