Day 113: Courting Temptation

 

Today is day 113 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and it was a frosty 29 degrees when I got up ! That's a little ridiculous for April 27 ! I woke up before 5:30 and gave up trying to go back to sleep just before 6 am. I took a shower and made my bed, then headed downstairs to feed my cats & the outdoor cats. I got dressed and just before 7 I sat down with my first cup of coffee to start this blog.

Breakfast was 160 calorie waffles with sugar free syrup and an 80 calorie yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake. Lunch was a chef salad & 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese & 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. Dinner was 220 calorie chicken fettuccine over riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a 130 calorie carrot cupcake. Total calories for the day are 1100.

Today's workout was 26m1s and I opted for intervals today. At 24 minutes to go I increased the pace to 3 mph for 3 minutes and then decreased to 2.7 for 1 minute. I did 6 rounds of this. They say it's good to change up your routine. As much as I wish I could say I got another workout in, I didn't. Working until 7 just doesn't leave enough time to have dinner, clean litter boxes, exercise and relax a little before bed. I only have 1 hour of OT left so I'm only working until 6 tomorrow AND it's Friday .. so I'll have no excuse not to get a second workout in.

Yesterday I started talking about signs of self-sabotaging behavior. Procrastination was first on the list and I'm definitely guilty of that. Next on the list was Courting Temptation and yep, guilty as charged ! It's ironic because the last 2 nights I've taken a bowl of almonds and Hershey Kisses to bed. Yep - I bought a giant bag of Kisses at the grocery store Sunday. Shockingly, it cost me $12 ! So much for saving money ! The article in Forbes had this to say on the subject:

"You can self-sabotage by putting yourself in a situation that tempts you away from meeting your intended goal. 

Yep, that is totally what I am doing every time I brings sweets into the house. I lived without them when I first started Nutrisystem, so why do I think I "need" them now ? I don't. I absolutely 100% do not "need" candy and it needs to stop. I probably should have started this topic with the reasons people self-sabotage, because they are telling.

People self-sabotage for various reasons which include, but are not limited to:

• Low self-esteem
• Bad habits, such as excessive and uncontrolled drinking
• Cognitive dissonance (having inconsistent or conflicting thoughts)
• Fear or discomfort of change
• A need to be in control
• Contentment with where you are in life
• Fear of failure
• Familiarity of failure
• Social or peer pressure

I need to read this every day. Other than social or peer pressure, I feel like every other item in the list pertains to me. Bad habits might be a stretch because I don't think I do anything that is excessive or uncontrolled (such as binge eating) but I do struggle with the bedtime snacking. I call that a bad habit, but it's not extreme. Perhaps courting temptation could be called a bad habit as well ? I already see where this could go, because I'll try to "fix" everything all at once, feel overwhelmed and give up. Here's the reality: just stop. Stop buying candy. Simple. Easy. Not hard to do. Just STOP. I did it before and I can do it again. I need to stop the cycle of guilt that comes with it. I buy the candy, feel guilty, eat it anyway, feel even more guilty, and then buy more ! So the challenge in front of me is to not buy anything that is outside the Nutrisystem program. Today I resolve to do that on my next shopping trip. Why not forever ? Well, that's too big of an ask. That's where things like this become overwhelming. I look too far ahead and set myself up for immediate failure. So today I can promise I will buy nothing at the grocery store other than the necessities, which this week will pretty much just be salad items. I have plenty of everything else. Note to self: it's easy to say I won't buy any candy this week because I have a candy jar full of it. However, let's not forget the burgers, pizza and ice cream that followed me home from my last 2 grocery trips ! Yeah, no more of that either. 

I wish I knew why I feel the need to snack when I go to bed. Maybe it's all about comfort because that was my escape for years. My life with Alex was so miserable and even after he passed my life was still miserable, because my house was falling down around me and I felt hopeless. I had a lot of debt and no money for renovations. I've said it 100 times already, but the fire in 2017 saved my life. This was the fresh start of fresh starts. I can see why my insurer called in a fire investigator, because people do set fires even with their family or pets in the house, but they determined the fire was accidental. Of course it was ! Never in a million years would I have set that up and I was at work that day anyways. Anyhow, everything that was wrong on the inside of my home was ripped out and replaced and I moved back in to the house of my dreams in 2018. I suppose that made it easier to resolve the lose weight at the end of 2018. The worry about my home was gone and I was happy and ready to make a change. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what happened to cause me to start regaining the weight and I don't really have an answer. I just lost focus. I can't blame it on any life event, because there were none. I gained the majority of the weight long before my mother's passing so I can't even say that had anything to do with it. So let's go back to the reasons people self sabotage: Contentment with where you are in life. Yep - there it is. THAT is the reason. Some people maliciously use the term "contented cow" to describe women who gain weight after marriage. I guess I became a contented cow, without the husband. So how do you get around that ? Well, I have to set a higher standard for myself. Clearly I am NOT content at my current weight and once I get back to a healthy weight I need to stay there. I need to spend some time this weekend getting my printer working again and then print out the Forbes article. I feel like I need to read that daily and post a copy on the fridge. 

Part of what also gets in my way is flying ahead and thinking about 100 other things I can do to get back on track and stay there. This is where being overwhelmed comes in. Here I'm saying I'll buy no more treats .. then I'm posting the Forbes article ... then my mind races ahead to exercising more ... and on and on. Too many "to do's" at once and then I end up doing nothing. I just need to say "today I will do this or I won't do that" .. and pick one or two manageable goals. Of course, the obvious goal for today is not to snack at bedtime. One thing I've been doing a lot lately is skipping my yogurt with breakfast, so I also resolved not to do that today.