Day 142: Crashing

 





Today is day 142 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and yet again it was difficult to drag myself out of bed. Abby arrived at 6:42 am to let me know she was hungry and that lounging in bed was not an option. It was a chilly 38 degrees ! It looks like temps are going to be much warmer starting Monday, so hopefully that is the start of a trend !


Breakfast was 160 calorie waffles with sugar free syrup and an 80 calorie yogurt. I didn't have a morning snack. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. I didn't have an afternoon snack. Dinner was broccoli and 260 calorie roasted turkey medallions. Evening snack was a 140 calorie chocolate cupcake.


Work was steady but again, I'm not busting my ass anymore. I spent some time this morning deleting years worth of emails. Since I'll be gone soon there is no point in letting it all sit there. The company can recover anything I delete and I'm just deleting stuff because it's no longer needed. I'm not trying to hide anything. If by some miracle I don't end up having to quit, I won't miss any of the email I deleted. It's a long overdue cleanup ! I haven't heard back from my friend yet so I'm hoping my mention of a $100k salary hasn't put her off. I have a couple of LinkedIn contacts I may reach out to once I find out what is really going to happen with my job. I am still hoping and praying that someone fights hard enough to keep us where we are. What's killing me right now is not knowing. I don't feel like I can apply to new jobs or reach out to LinkedIn contacts until I know what is happening and that is several weeks away. 


I just don't know how I'm going to get through this. It's hard to be alone and have no one to talk to. I just knew something bad was going to happen when I started to feel happy and that life was good. It never fails. I have to figure out a way to put the anxiety aside and resume my life. I haven't exercised in a week. I've run out of things to do in the house, so I sit here on the couch aimlessly scrolling through news stories or looking at jobs on LinkedIn. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I'm really glad that I gave up going to the casino, because I would be sitting here now regretting every dollar I lost. I have $52k in the bank today and another $25k or so coming, so I won't starve. I still intend to move forward with the siding and replacing the garage door, but that will be it for now.





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