Day 2: Baby Steps

 

Day 2 of Nutrisystem 2.0 found me awake at about 6:15 am. I got up shortly after 6:30, when it became apparent I wasn't going back to sleep until my 7 am alarm. Getting up early can be a good thing unless you're someone like me, who struggles with eating too much. If I get up "too early" and start eating "too early", by evening I'll have a gap of time before bed. That often led to snacking. Right now, today, I can counteract that because I didn't wake up hungry and resolved to hold off breakfast as long as possible. That discipline isn't always there, so it's something I have to keep on top of.

Not waking up hungry is a good thing. I know that carbs fuel my hunger. I've known that for years and yet I gave in to those cravings. I think back on the past year, and I ate tons of carbs. Donuts, sweetened coffee, cookies, candy, a couple barrels of cheese balls, pizza, ice cream, pretzels and plenty of popcorn. The more carbs I ate, the hungrier I was, and the more I ate. It's a vicious, vicious cycle and it is a super hard habit to break. The sad thing is I knew this was an issue for me the day I started Nutrisystem in 2019. My late husband was a self-sabotager and I guess I do the same thing. I put all that time, effort and money into losing the weight and then I went down in flames. It's not like anything happened in my life to cause it. No tragedy occurred and led me to food for comfort. I can't really put my finger on anything in particular that led me to think I could just start eating whatever I wanted and not regain the weight. So much of this is mental! I've said it many times and I will keep saying it until it sticks: losing weight is more than just eating less and exercising. If you don't get your mind straight and understand that you have to make a lifestyle change, then you'll never stop the cycle of losing and gaining. I knew this going in, but I ignored it and just did whatever I wanted. Really stupid and now I'm paying the price. I wish I could say I've learned my lesson, but it's too early in the game to make that assumption. I've already proven I can't trust myself and it's going to take time to believe in myself again. Somehow, I have to drill it into my head that I cannot go back to my old eating habits when I get back to my best weight.

I never wanted to tie my weight loss journey to the scale, but it's an important indicator when you're trying to lose weight. Ignoring the scale means you can't really tell if what you're doing is working. It's a double-edged sword though, because if a day or two goes by with no loss it can crush your motivation. Anyhow, today I am at 243! This means I've earned back the 60-pound bear! Yay - I am so happy! However, this was the easy one, so I can't sit back and take my foot off the gas. Earning back the 70-pound bear means losing 9 more pounds. It's not unusual to lose a few pounds quick at the start of a diet because you're mostly eliminating fluid. I'm a long way from losing the entire 87 pounds needed to get me back to 160 and there is a lot of hard work ahead. I've informally set my goal weight at 160 because I still remember the unsuccessful quest to reach 150. I'm not sure 150 is a realistic goal for me because after losing the weight I was left with a lot of loose skin. That can easily account for those stubborn 10 pounds, and I still remember how frustrating it was to see the scale not moving. The current plan is to set my sights on 160 and reassess once I get there. I'm trying to get this done without putting an excessive amount of pressure on myself.

I was thinking today about all that happened in 2022. I tend to only remember the bad days, but there were a lot of good things too. I went to Disney back in February and had a wonderful time. I really hope I get to go again soon! It was the first real "vacation" I'd had in 20 years! I did get sick towards the end of the trip and that sucked, but overall, I had a great time! I spent most of my Saturdays at the casino with mom and I treasure those memories. I spent all the holidays with my family - Easter, Mother's Day, my mom and sister's birthdays in June, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve. We celebrated the arrival of Barb's first grandchild. We've yet to meet the little peanut but I hope that happens this year. On the professional front, I got a new job title and a raise - out of the blue! For years there has been constant worry about layoffs, but I feel much more secure in my job today. Regardless of that feeling of security, I took steps to make my future more secure. Part of that was stopping my solo casino trips. It just wasn't fun going by myself and I was spending way too much money. I haven't been to Turning Stone since mid-October, and I really don't miss it. I did go to Point Place New Year's Eve but that was a special occasion, and I was lucky enough to win $500. It's nice to see my bank account growing since I'm not throwing away all my money. The bad things in 2022 were obviously the passing of my mom and Aunt Ann. Those 2 events just devastated our families and we'll never be the same again.

Even though I was up early I managed to hold off breakfast until 9 am. Breakfast was a 260 calorie Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich. When I have this I have to skip the yogurt, but I'm ok with that. Morning snack was a 120-calorie vanilla shake. Lunch was a chef salad & a 230 calorie spinach & cheese pretzel melt. I was hungry after lunch and I'm not sure why. I focused on drinking a good deal of water and the hungries went away, so I might have just been a little dehydrated. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese (1/2 cup) and 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. Dinner was a bag of green beans and a 260-calorie roasted turkey & mashed potatoes entree. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake with a bit of fat free whipped cream. Total calories for the day are 1180.

I am proud to say I got on the treadmill during my lunch break! I chose a walking workout that lasted just under 25 minutes. With a 3-minute warmup and cool down I walked for over 30 minutes. This is a huge step in the right direction. I was tempted to choose a series with much shorter workouts, but I felt like I need to challenge myself some and I'm glad I did. It's taken me a long time to accept that the endurance I had is gone. I wanted to get back on the treadmill and be able to walk up to 3.7 mph for over 30 minutes. Well, I can't do that. Today's walk was 2.5 mph and that was fast enough for now. I've accepted the fact that I'm at square one and will need to build up that former level of endurance. It's going to take time, just like it did the first time around. Acceptance is a big part of being able to restart this journey. I had to accept what is lost and resolve to work hard to get back to where I was. Until I did that I couldn't move. I was paralyzed with fear, frustration and a sense of loss. I was sad and angry with myself. I let this happen and now I'm paying the price. I really wanted to get on the treadmill again after work but I got sucked into watching a 1+ hour YouTube video (NG Slots) and laziness set in. I guess it was a good thing as I hadn't connected my table to the charger, and it was at 13% power. I'm not going to stress over the exercise as long as I get on the treadmill at least once a day for 30 minutes.

Today was the first day I worked in my office instead of on the couch. I started feeling like a cold was coming on 12/7 and by Friday 12/9 I moved to the couch to work because I was getting worse. That weekend I laid on the couch 24/7, only getting up to feed the outdoor cats and my cats or to go to the bathroom. At this point I knew I had the flu as I've had it before AND the covid test I took was negative. I didn't eat much, and I wasn't drinking either and I was pretty weak and dizzy when I did get up. I had nothing like Gatorade in the house and everything I drank had no sugar, so I was getting no energy. I was in really rough shape. I finally had the idea to add plain old white sugar to my water, and that started me feeling better. Still, I laid on the couch until Friday. I literally had the beginning of a pressure sore on my right hip because I had been flat out for so long. Nutrisystem food (and coffee!) was really unappetizing during this time, but I had nothing much else in the house. I ended up signing up for Instacart and that was a huge help. I paid more and gave a generous tip, but I am so grateful for that service. I used it twice and if I ever get sick again, I won't hesitate to use it. I missed out on Michelle's ugly sweater party 12/10 and the Polar Express train ride 12/16, but I made to cookie baking 12/17, so all wasn't lost. I missed 4 days of work and by the time I went back to work on 12/19 I was still weak, so I worked from the couch for the 5 days until vacation started. I spent a lot of my vacation on the couch too. Today is really the first day I feel 100% back to myself.

I will call Day 2 another success. I stuck to the program, with the exception of 5 cashews that I ate while waiting for my lunch to heat. I can live with that. The fact that I counted them is kind of hilarious, but I'm glad 5 didn't turn into more.