Day 5: Keeping The Momentum

Day 5 of Nutrisystem 2.0 dawned chilly and gray. It was 23 degrees, and a tiny bit of a very fine snow was trying to fall. By 10:30 we were up to a balmy 25 and there was no trace of snow. Since I've restarted Nutrisystem a kind of peacefulness has come over me. Before January 4 I was thinking about my weight and how unhappy I was every day. Now I get up with a renewed sense of purpose. I have something to focus on and that helps me get through the days. Life is lonely without mom. All week I would look forward to our casino trips and those days are gone. I don't really see my family unless it's a special occasion and I don't have any friends. That sounds so sad and pathetic but I'm used to it and the key here is to keep busy. My mother always said you have to keep busy and she was so right about that. I know mom was lonely after dad passed. Until Alex passed away in 2014 I had him to talk to, even though our marriage was rocky. Once he was gone I still had my mom to talk to. Now I have no one and some days that is hard. I think it's harder in the winter because I get some seasonal depression and the cold just makes me want to sit on the couch under a blanket. My mood is always lighter once the weather is warm and sunny and the grass is green. I love working out on the front porch all summer and I can't wait to get back to that. I've always been somewhat of a loner, so this is nothing new. You would think that at my age (60) I would have life figured out. I'm coming to the realization that we never figure life out because it is always changing. So we're never "done" and I guess maybe that is what keeps us going into old age. I am still working on myself and I don't think that will ever end because I'm never 100% satisfied with myself. Even when I was losing the weight the first time around it was never fast enough and I never lost enough week to week, in my eyes. One pound in a week was always a failure.

I slept in a bit today, so I had breakfast around 10 am. 150 calorie pancakes with sugar free syrup. I didn't have my yogurt or protein shake. Lunch was a 220 calorie BBQ recipe chicken burrito. I add a splash of BBQ sauce to this but don't count the calories. I had a 120 calorie vanilla shake before my workout. I'm eating a little bit out of order today but Nutrisystem is fine with that. People that do the most common form of intermittent fasting cram all their eating into an 8 hour period, while I try to eat every couple of hours within a 12 hour period. I say whatever works ! Afternoon snack (at nearly 7 pm) was 80 calorie cottage cheese and about 120 calories of mini saltines. They're a leftover from my flu days. Dinner (at nearly 9 pm) was chicken fettuccini alfredo over riced cauliflower, with a sprinkle of romano cheese. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake with a bit of whipped cream. Total calories for the day are 1020. 

Today could easily have been a repeat of yesterday but I had no choice about going to the grocery store. I needed salad fixings and frozen veggies for the week ahead. Just before noon I bundled up and headed out. First stop was Delta Sonic for gas. I paid $2.81 a gallon, which was great! Next stop was Walmart in Cicero. They had no lettuce so I picked up the frozen veggies I wanted and headed to Wegmans. They had beautiful lettuce (cheaper than Walmart!) so I grabbed 3 heads. I also got cucumbers, celery, radishes and seedless red peppers. They didn't have the oatmeal cookies I usually buy, so that was a disappointment. I managed to make it out of there without buying anything else, even though I walked through the bakery department! I then made an unplanned stop at Valvoline for an oil change. It was due in October, and I happened to notice they were not as busy as they usually are. I had a 20% off coupon in my email so that was a nice savings! I got back home shortly after 2 and had lunch. I was starving since I'd only had part of my breakfast. It's ironic how things happen in my life sometimes. I've always said things happen for a reason. I don't believe everything happens for a reason, but many things do. I wasn't planning on getting gas today, but I was approaching 1/4 tank and don't like to fall below that, especially in the winter. The price was great, so I saved some money there. I didn't plan to get an oil change either, and that only happened because Walmart didn't have the salad items I needed. I'm glad to have that done. Wegmans not having the cookies I wanted was ok too, because I was planning on giving them up and switching to cheese & crackers for a while anyways. Once I got home, I warmed up my coffee from this morning, made my burrito and plopped myself on the couch. About 3 pm I started thinking about what I wanted to do. Take down the Christmas tree or get on the treadmill. I decided to go with the treadmill and leave the tree. I can work on that during the week or next weekend and I do enjoy it's cozy glow. It was shortly after 4 pm before I actually put on my shoes and got to it, but I did it! I had a few dishes in the sink so I washed them first. The workout last 30 minutes with the 3 minute warmup and cool down and although I finished it, I had to make some changes because it include incline that I did not expect. It started with 3% at 2.8 mph for 3 minutes. I got through that but the next interval was 2.8 mph at 6% for 3 minutes. That is just too much of a challenge for me right now, so I changed the incline to zero. The 3rd interval was 3 minutes at 2.8 mph with a 9% incline - way too much for me. Last interval was 10% since my machine maxes out at 10% - the programmed incline was 12% and the speed was 2.7 mph. I played a little bit with adding incline up to 3% but that's about all I can do right now. I'm just glad I got 30 minutes of exercise in.

This weekend was a little bit of a test, because over the past couple of years I've let myself go on the weekends. Saturdays I tended to eat whatever I wanted at the casino and Sundays after grocery shopping, I would often stop at DQ. I also tended to buy donuts or cookies or candy at Wegmans. Weekends really undid any progress I made during the week so it was like I was starting over every Monday. The trainers on iFit talk about having a "cheat day" but their idea of that is one meal or one item and they urge restraint. Unlike me, who used the whole weekend as one big cheat day! They also talk about a rest day from exercise, but I think their idea of a rest day means walking one day instead of running ... lol! I guess yesterday was my rest day but I'm going to work on not letting that become habit. There is absolutely no reason I can't get at least a short walk on the treadmill every single day, unless I am out for the entire day.

Speaking of the treadmill, I've come to realize I can't possibly complete the 8 workouts I had scheduled right away. Anything over 30 minutes is just beyond my current ability, so yet again I set myself up for failure with a goal that is much too soon and much too ambitious. Did I really think I could do 8 workouts in 2 days? Yes, I did. Sometimes I make unrealistic or too ambitious commitments and then wonder why I fail miserably and feel so bad. It's things like this, that I do to myself. Going forward I'm going to stop and think "can I really do this" before setting any goal or commitment. After I took a closer look at the first 2 workouts I tried back in 2019, I figured out why I couldn't do them. The very first one my nearly 300 pound self tried was 1-minute intervals at 2.8 and 4.8 mph. I can handle 2.8 today but 4.8 is jogging and nope, I can never do that. So that one is off the schedule. I could manually lower the speed, but what would be the point? The 2nd one is mostly incline at 10%. This is also more than I can handle right now, but I've done this one before, so I will leave it on the schedule. Four of the workouts are around 20 minutes each, so I know I can do them. The 5th on the schedule is 32 minutes and I know I can handle the pace and the brief inclines, so that will be within my reach very soon. The last 2 are 32 and 36 minutes and both have a lot more incline and a faster pace, so they're a stretch goal right now. When I can say I've completed all 7, I'll know that my endurance is starting to come back. I say "starting" because none of them go as fast as the workouts I was doing before I crashed and burned. Since I completed the first of the 7 I'll keep it as part of my goal, but since I had to modify the incline I don't really see this as a victory. It's ok - any exercise is good and it doesn't matter "why" you do it.

One lesson I've learned while I've been off getting fat and lazy is that consistency is so much more important than I ever thought. I have a good flow with eating and exercise all week and then, as I mentioned above, the weekend rolls around and my schedule goes out the window. Until mom passed, that was understandable as I was out all day Saturday and needed to grocery shop on Sunday. Now that mom is gone and I've given up the casino, the only thing I really "have" to do on the weekend is grocery shop. This task doesn't take that long, so I really have no excuse not to keep to the same schedule on weekends. I'm going to try this going forward and see if it helps. In actuality I'm really happy with the progress I've made in only 5 days, but I always feel like I can do more or do better. 

One thing I didn't pay enough attention too while my waistline was expanding over the past year, was the scale. Right now I have to be careful not to go too far in the other direction and become obsessed with daily weigh ins. I'm going to try and not weigh myself again until 1/11, as that will be the 1 week mark. I know I'm going in the right direction and I can't fall into the habit of expecting to lose a pound a day. That would be GREAT .. but it's not realistic in the long term. That might happen your first week on a diet because you're eliminating fat and stored glycogen. Once your body has to start burning fat for fuel the loss may slow down. Nutrisystem tells you to plan on 1-2 pounds a week, so they don't set you up with ridiculous expectations.

Although I didn't get everything I wanted to done this weekend, I feel like I accomplished a lot. I got the porch undecorated, I grocery shopped and I took care of the cars needs. I also took the time to cut up a big bowl of salad. I'm trying to eat more salad so it may not last the whole week, but it's a start ! I also packaged up 3 containers of riced cauliflower as I had bought a huge bag. I resisted the urge to just close the bag and stuff it back in the freezer ! Now it'll be ready to go for 3 meals. Most people could probably accomplish this all in one day but it's big deal for me, because I've been in such a funk for a long time. I'm doing a better job keeping the house neat. For years before the fire I'd panic anytime someone knocked at the door, because the house was always such a disaster. At one time we had 4 dogs and 6 cats and it was hard for me to keep up with cleaning up after them and Alex, who was a slob. I worked full time and had to drive back and forth to Syracuse every day, so I didn't get home until 6 pm during the week. When I got home I had to make dinner and feed all the animals. Alex never lifted a finger to help, mostly because of his weight and poor health. Once he passed away in 2014 life got a little easier but I still had 3 dogs and 6 cats to care for but the house was a disaster and I didn't really care. I had been through years of abuse and I was defeated. After the fire I had a freshly remodeled house with all new furnishings, so it was easier to maintain and made me incredibly happy. I still had 5 cats at the time of the fire, but not long after I moved back in 3 of my 5 cats passed away in a relatively short period of time. Taking care of 2 cats is so much easier and since I had the fence removed I won't have a dog again, even though I'd love to have one for companionship. I will probably always have a cat because I can't imagine life without a pet. 

It's almost 10 pm so I'm going to have my evening snack and head for bed.