Day 40: Not a Successful Weekend

 

Day 40 of Nutrisystem 2.0. Another 24 hours to "get it right", since yesterday was such a dismal failure. Another day to explore the "self-love" topic. Another day to commit to do better. In short, another day of life.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

As I mentioned yesterday, I don't really know how you go about accepting yourself. I feel like that is a broad statement that could go in 100 different directions. I could accept myself as a fat person and just eat whatever I want or I could vow to treat my body better by eating healthy and exercising to lose the weight. Do you give in to the mind, that wants all that yummy food to make it feel good ? That's the easy way out and in reality all you're doing is numbing the pain. There are other ways to make yourself feel good. The quote says that to be beautiful means to be yourself. Well, I guess I am beautiful because I think I am myself most of the time. I don't try to be something I'm not. I've come to the realization that I am not attractive and never will be. If I'm honest, I had hoped that losing the weight would make men more interested in me. Well, that didn't happen and I've accepted that. I've embarked on Nutrisystem 2.0 to lose the weight again and the intent there is to make ME feel good about ME. Yes, I want other people to notice but I am doing this for me. Only me. I can't change the rest of my physical appearance and if no man ever finds me up to his standards, that is their loss. I can accept my physical appearance to a degree. What I mean is I can accept the things I can't change. My weight is something I can change so I do not accept that and I am on this journey to lose this weight, however long it takes. If I can get back to where I was in July 2021 I will be content to stay there for the remainder of my life. I felt healthy in every sense of the word, physically and mentally.

Breakfast was 150 calorie pancakes with sugar free syrup. Morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake. Lunch was a chef salad with some of the feta and olive salad I bought yesterday, along with a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 180 calorie cheese & crackers. Dinner was green beans and a 250 calorie meatloaf sandwich. Evening snack was a 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. Total calories for the day are 1130. NO snacks followed me to bed !

Today I had ambitious fitness goals. I resolved to be on the treadmill by noon, so I laced up my treadmill shoes at 11, when I got off the couch to get my third cup of coffee. I also threw my tablet on the charger to bring it up to 100%, in preparation for several iFit sessions, starting with the Atlas Mountains ! I didn't make it on the treadmill at noon - it was about 12:20 when I hit the mountains with Tommy Rivs ! I started off at 2.5 mph but my mind was wandering and I didn't bump up the speed at 25%. I was about 1/3 of the way when I realized it, so I bumped the speed up to 2.7 and left it there until I hit the 50% mark. Here I increased to 2.8 mph. At 75% I increased to 2.9 mph. I was a little concerned with the 8% incline at 2.9 but it only lasts 35 seconds and I did it ! Here's the thing though .. bang for your buck. The increased speed only burned 3 more calories, per the iFit software. The workout, as programmed, says I will burn 200 calories. When I increase the speed using 2.5 to 2.8 it tells me I burn about 215. Today I felt like I worked harder but only 3 calories ?!?!?! I have to look at it this way: my goal is to increase my endurance and in order to do that I have to boost my speed. I never got on the treadmill again, and I'm not happy about it, but it is what it is. The goal for tomorrow is to start the Atlas Mountains at 2.6 mph and then increase by 0.1 mph at the 25%, 50% and 75% marks. I can't let the calories stop me if I want to get my endurance back. I think the biggest reason I didn't get back on the treadmill as I am dreading all 3 of the workouts sitting on my calendar. 2 of the 3 have 10% incline and speeds close to or within 3 mph to 3.2 mph. The last one is a Valentine challenge and is a jogging workout with speeds up to 6.8 mph. Well, I don't jog so I'll have to override the speed on that one. This is my avoidant personality at work. All I can do at this point is try to do better when next weekend rolls around. It's going to be a long weekend because we get President's Day off ! 

Last night I laid in bed after polishing off all that food and, to be honest, I felt a little sick. I don't know why I eat when I am technically not hungry. I didn't need those nuts when I went to bed. They have become a habit - a BAD habit. They're almost gone and I will not be buying them again. I also reflected on everything else I ate. You know what ? The General Tso chicken was not very good, but I ate every bit of that $11 package. Yes - $11 for a small bowl that used to be $8 ! The noodles were dry and the chicken was mostly crumbs. The veggies in the lo mein were few and far between as well. I could have gotten double the amount (with a spring roll!) at Turning Stone for the same money and it would have tasted 100 times better. Never again ! The strawberries were just "ok". The fruit itself was delicious but the coating was clearly not premium chocolate. I ate every scrap but they were not worth the $8.25 I paid for them. The strawberry shortcake was amazing and worth every penny of the $5.50 I paid for it. I wish I had skipping the strawberries and General Tso and just bought 2 pieces ... lol ! It truly was the best deal of the day ! The feta & olive salad was also worth the $6 I paid for it ($12 a pound). I would buy that again. I had actually forgotten that I didn't care for the General Tso last time I had it, so I need to remember that and never buy it again at Wegman's. The lesson here is that if you're going to indulge, make sure that what you're eating is delicious and worth the calorie splurge ! Most of what I ate yesterday was NOT delicious, so I took in a whole bunch of calories, that I now have to work off, without really enjoying them. I feel really stupid. 

I was late to the treadmill today because I was online shopping for new treadmill shoes. The heel lining of mine are starting to wear and I'm tired of them anyways. I bought a new pair of Hoka's and they'll be here Thursday. I have Clifton 8's now but it looks like they are not making them anymore, so I bought a pair of Bondi 8's. They were $165 but it's about the only extravagance I have in my life. Checking my email after lunch I was shocked to see my Amazon order has shipped and everything will be here tomorrow ! I think it helps that we have a Amazon distribution center in our area now and the stuff I ordered must have been stocked locally. I'm glad it's all coming at once because when I placed the order it showed items arriving on 3 different days this week, which is crazy. If I was my Fedex guy I'd hate me after that .. lol ! I guess this weekend was all about a little retail therapy as I also bought another pair of leggings at Walmart ($6 on clearance) along with 2 men's t-shirts that were on clearance for $5 ! They caught my eye because they are neon orange and yellow and I couldn't believe they were only $5. I had to have one in each color ! They'll be great to just throw on over leggings & a sports bra. 

I had to laugh when I made my afternoon snack today. The cheese bites that I'm working on finishing have a "best by" date of April 2021, so I must have bought them in 2020. I probably have at least 10 left and once I am done with them, I have a wedge of cheese I bought at the State Fair last August to use up. Then it'll be time to tackle the 2 pound block of cheddar I bought at Costco a few weeks back. With a one ounce serving size, it will take me a month to eat it ! I plan to cut it in 4 pieces and freeze 3 of them so that it doesn't get moldy once I open the package. I have a brand new scale so I can weigh it to make sure I only have an ounce each day. Once all this cheese is gone I'll be going back to cottage cheese and oatmeal cookies or fruit. All this cheese was impulse buys, as I've never been a huge cheese eater. I guess it's good to change things up once in a while !

The day wasn't a total loss. I did get a big salad cut up, so I will have that the next few days. I also partially thawed a giant bag of riced cauliflower (about 9 cups) and portioned that out into 4 separate containers. I have the cauliflower with the frozen chicken fettucine alfredo entree or the shelf stable chicken alfredo entree. Since I forgot the cauliflower last time I shopped, it's been a while since I had either ! I bought the big bag one time because they didn't have the small microwaveable bags and found I didn't mind portioning it out myself. Yesterday at the store I didn't see the small bags so I grabbed 2 of the big ones. I later saw the small bags but when I checked the price I could see that the large bags were cheaper, so I stayed with those. It's not a cheap item - the bag was $8.88 for 40 ounces, but four 10 ounce bags would cost $11.12. I also changed the sheets on my bed, so I can't wait to get a shower and then slide into those crisp clean sheets ! 

I didn't get as much accomplished this weekend as I should have. I didn't do any laundry and I didn't do any house cleaning. I should be able to throw some laundry in tomorrow and get that done. I'm also going to try and spend 15-30 minutes each evening picking up around the house or doing a bit of cleaning. I saw an Instagram reel today where a woman takes 15 minutes to clean if she is feeling anxious or overwhelmed. She puts the tv on for her kids and goes to it. She said you'd be surprised what you can accomplish in 15 minutes. I know that's true because I've done the 15 minute thing in the past. I tried many times to get Alex to embrace it and help me out but that never went anywhere.

Tomorrow promises to be a busy work day so I'm hoping to get a good nights sleep ! On that note, it's time for that shower !