Day 121: Kicking Off Month 5 !

 

Today is day 121 of Nutrisystem 2.0 and and this is the beginning of month 5. The morning got off to a slow start as I did not want to get out of bed when the alarm went off at 7. This is probably because I was awake at 4:30 but forced myself to go back to sleep. I guess I should have just got up then ! I always say I'm going to do that and then I never do !

Breakfast was 150 calorie pancakes with sugar free syrup. Morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake. Lunch was a chef salad & 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese & 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. Dinner was broccoli & a 250 calorie meatloaf sandwich, followed by an 80 calorie yogurt. Evening snack was a 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. Total calories are 1120.

I put in 48m28s plus 9m of w/u & c/d for a grand total of 57m28s. Not a bad way to end the week but it turned into a scary way to end it. After work I had my afternoon snack and a cup of coffee, as I was charging the battery for my new lawn mower for the first time and didn't want to leave it unattended. I finally got on the treadmill for the 2nd workout just after 7 pm. I did fine until there was about 6 minutes to go. At that point I started to feel weak and I was sweating profusely. I managed to power through the last few minutes of the workout but I had to skip the cool down and barely made it to the couch, where I pretty much collapsed. I stopped in the dining room on the way, to grab a handful of Hershey Kisses as I knew this was a blood sugar crash and I needed a sugar boost. I would have rather grabbed a yogurt but I needed something fast and going out to the kitchen was not an option. I thought I would be ok since I had the cottage cheese & oatmeal cookies but apparently that was not enough. It was really scary and the fact that I am alone makes things like that even more scary. I had my phone so I'd have been able to call for help if necessary. By 8 pm I was feeling better so I changed my clothes and then made my dinner. I spent the rest of the evening on the couch under a blanket, feeling a little chilled. Part of the issue there could be the fact that I was wearing a thin summer short sleeve nightshirt !

So why did this happen ? It's not like I was starving myself today. I had my breakfast and my morning snack. I also had my lunch and afternoon snack. The only item missing from my "normal" routine was the yogurt with my breakfast, but this is not the first time I've skipped the yogurt. I also usually work out after work, before having dinner, without incident. About the only thing that is different today is the amount of time between when I last ate and the time I got on the treadmill. Most days I have the cottage cheese & cookies right before I get on the treadmill after work. I didn't do that today and that might be the problem.

After yesterday's disappointing and eye-opening weigh in I gave some thought to what I can do differently. I went easy with the extra salad toppings today. Since olives do have fat I used a scoop that came from my shake tubs to control the portion size. The peppers I use have no oil or sugar so I can have as many of those as I want. The pickled onions do have some sugar so I went easier on those too. The item with the most calories & fat is the feta cheese, so I limited that to a scoop as well. I am also going easier on the salad dressing, although that is fat free. Less is always going to be best ! I had been thinking about moving my breakfast yogurt to after dinner, but after today's episode I think I need to ensure I eat more during the day.

Work was pretty productive for a Friday ! I managed to run through my entire worklist to ensure everything was on track (about 70 items), took the first steps on a few new items and put the finishing touches on 2 projects. I worked a few minutes of overtime, helping out a customer service agent, but was off the clock before 5:30 !

After grinding through the topic of self-sabotage I was searching for something new to explore. I settled on self-discipline, because I know it's lacking in my life. It has pretty much been "my way or the highway" for the last 30 years. Even while I was with Alex I was in control because I was the bread winner for most of our relationship. Our marriage was stormy and mistakes were made on both sides, because we were both unhappy. I really wish he had packed up and moved back to Italy, because I think his mental and physical health would have been better and might still be alive. Unfortunately, things didn't happen that way and he's been gone for nearly 9 years. It's hard to believe it's been that long ! I never wished death on him, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit life only got better because he is gone. The expense of "keeping" him ended when he passed and the fire likely would never have happened if he had been alive. Both events made my life better. I didn't wish for him to die and I didn't wish to have a fire, but that's what happened and I can't deny the benefits brought to me. I did experience a certain level of guilt because it was difficult to be "happy" when tragedy brings good fortune your way. So what does all that have to do with self-discipline ? Well, I was back to only having to worry about caring for myself. The remodel of the house, at my insurer's expense, took the worry about my deteriorating home away and I ended up with brand new everything and money left over. I moved back into my house and my efforts to lose weight, derailed by a broken wrist in late 2017, went right out the window. I sat here in bliss eating chicken tenders drenched in ranch dressing, pints of premium ice cream nearly every night, pounds of chocolate every week. Pizza, hotdogs, french fries and Johnsonville sausage were also part of the rotation. Don't forget bags of pizza rolls, Eggo waffles, pop-tarts and plenty of cookies. There were also frequent stops at McDonald's. It's no wonder my weight ballooned to 304 pounds. I found the self-discipline to get fit, lose the weight and pay off my credit card debt but for whatever reason, it didn't last. I let my diet go and I let exercise go but I never faltered when it came to the credit cards. To this day I pay any balance in full every month. So I know I have the ability to lose the weight and regain my former fitness level. Question is .. why do I keep faltering ? Exercise is definitely better since I backed off a little. I am now working on building my endurance and seeing progress. Food is my problem and that is where I need to focus. 

On that note, it's very late and time for bed ! The weekend awaits !