9-29 through 10-9

 trying, learning, and being grateful.

Is today the day ? I'd like to think so. I woke up early - 5:30 am - and rather than forcing myself to go back to sleep I opted to get up. It's nice to have extra time before the work day starts. I didn't have to rush through feeding my cats or the strays outside. I made my bed. I got dressed (sneakers included!). I had breakfast. I enjoyed 2 cups of coffee.

*** The content above was written on 9-29. It wasn't the day .. lol ***

So what's gone on since 9-29 ? Well, that was Thursday. Friday was a mostly uneventful work day. I did get on the treadmill during my lunch hour ! I put in 28m31s plus 6 minutes warm up/cool down for a total of 34m31s. I also swapped out the seat on the bike again (I had put the original seat back on) and made some more adjustments. I didn't have the seat high enough and that is why the reach to the handlebars seemed too long. Saturday was a lost day but a fun day ! I went to Beak and Skiff with Kim and Lauren. We were disappointed to find that they are phasing out their apple wines and focusing on the hard cider and spirits, along with their CBD products. I bought a couple 4 packs of hard cider (cider donut and honeycrisp) and a bag of honeycrisp apples. Lauren got apple fritters and I had one, they were delicious ! From there we went to a place called Crazy Daisies. It's kind of a greenhouse with a bar/tavern. They had a fall festival going on with quite a few vendors. I bought a couple jars of a good salsa. I'll have that with my Nutrisystem burritos. We had lunch/dinner there. I got a buffalo chicken pizza and a cocktail flight. The pizza was awesome and I ate it all. We sat and chatted for a long time and then headed home. I stopped at Walmart on the way home and also treated myself to a frozen coffee. It was after 6:30 by the time I got home and I was tired. Sunday was another busy day. I went on a train ride with Rich & Barb, Michelle & Mike, Kim and Joe and Lauren. I left the house at 8:30, grabbed a coffee at Dunkin and headed to Kim's house. Turned out Joe wasn't feeling up to driving and they asked me to drive. I was a little nervous about that, but they drive all the time so of course I agreed ! We got to the train station in one piece, so that was a plus ! Our departure was delayed 90 minutes - they claimed due to a NYS inspection but by the end of the day we suspected mechanical issues. The train went oddly slow and seemed to stop at every crossing. Regardless, we had a good time ! It just turned into a much longer day as we expected to be back to the station by 3:30 and it was closer to 6 ! Rich & Barb and Michelle & Mike didn't want to stop to have dinner as they needed to get home to their dogs, so Kim & Joe and Lauren and I decided to go to Coppertop Tavern in North Syracuse. I love their Bang Bang Chicken dish and it was delicious. I brought half home because the portion is so huge. They paid for my dinner since I drove, which was nice ! I got home just before 7. Once I fed the cats I had to get all my stuff ready to go to the office Monday. I also needed to catch up my slot machine games. I was in bed before 10 and slept pretty good until the alarm went off at 4 am ! The day went off without a hitch. We made it to the office before 8 am, took a 30 minute lunch and headed out at 4:30. Google Maps took us on a different route which seemed so much easier and I was back home just before 7. I fed the cats, had my leftovers, caught up my games, took a shower and was in bed before 9:30 ! 

This brings me up to date and to today. I went out to pay my school taxes today and got to thinking I hadn't received my quarterly water bill. I called the Village and sure enough, it was due 10-1 and I got hit with a $19 late fee. It seems like once a year I don't receive the bill. It's very frustrating. I went and paid the bill and found out I can create an online account that will send me email reminders and allow me to view the bill online. I signed right up and should never have another late fee ! I also requested text reminders, so we'll see how that works in December when the next bill comes out.

I dove right into my work day today and was too distracted to even think about exercise. I am also still tired after 3 straight days of activity. Goal for tomorrow is to be dressed and ready for the treadmill at noon. My biggest challenge, which sounds SO stupid, is getting my sneakers on before noon rolls around. I find that if I'm "dressed and ready to go" at noon, I'm more inclined to get on the treadmill. I also need to have my protein shake prepared. I'm going to try getting all this done BEFORE I start working each day. It seems like once I dive into work I don't lift my head until noon .. and then it's too late. I thought about mowing the lawn after work today but I'm tired. I also need to clean litter boxes .. but I'm tired. I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep I can hit the ground running tomorrow !

I'm slowly coming to terms with the changes I need to make in what I eat or have in the house. My candy supply is dwindling and will not be replaced. Pop Tarts will not be replaced. I've successfully given up ice cream. My cookie supply is dwindling. I still have a few of the tea biscuits I've been having with my yogurt, but once they are gone I am done. No more Chex Mix. I'm a little tired of salad right now and Walmart didn't have any Saturday, so I'm subbing in frozen veggies sometimes at lunch. I do have a head of lettuce I broke up today so I'll have salad the rest of the week. I also have to work on eating everything I'm supposed to. Today I had pancakes for breakfast and then finished off the cheese danish I bought Saturday (no more of those either). I never had my protein shake. At lunch time I had a yogurt & cookies, then an apple. Much later I had a pepperoni pizza melt. By dinner time I was starving and pounded down a few candy bars before dinner was ready. Dinner was broccoli & roasted turkey medallions. I haven't been eating in bed for a few days so that is another habit I'm getting under control. I weighed myself the other day and I was at 256. I am so disgusted with myself. I am going to Disney in 2 months and I'm going there FAT. I am going to try so much harder between now and 12/3. Just losing 30 pounds would be a huge help. 

*** The content above was written 10-3 ***

Today I am feeling more encouraged and more motivated to get this weight back off. I made sure to get dressed, get my sneaks on and mix up my protein shake before noon today. At noon I fed Abby and then hit the treadmill for 36m19s, which includes my standard 3 minute warm up and 3 minute cool down. The workout was a steady pace of 2.5 mph unless the incline was steep. I did have to hold on to the bars for about a minute after a fairly long stretch at 8% incline but managed to get through the brief 5%, 8% and 10% as the workout progressed. I also scheduled a 35 minute workout for after work .. then sat on the couch until after 7. Baby steps.

From a food perspective, I did good today. Breakfast was waffles with sugar free syrup. I had my yogurt just before 2 pm. I had a beef bean & cheese burrito with salsa for lunch around 3 pm. I had an apple around 4 pm. After work I had a quick snack of cottage cheese, with every intention of getting on the treadmill. I'm trying to stretch out my eating so that dinner is later in hopes of avoiding the evening hungries that I give in to so often. Dinner was chicken fettuccine alfredo over riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake. 

*** The content above was written 10-4 ***

From a diet and exercise perspective, yesterday was a good day. Today I had every intention of working out at noon but I made a couple of mistakes. #1 I didn't have my sneaks on before noon #2 I didn't have my protein shake ready #3 I was in the middle of something for work and didn't want to abandon it mid-way, so I actually didn't go to lunch until about 12:20. I promised myself I would get that workout in after work .. but that didn't work out.

Breakfast today was french toast with sugar free syrup. This offering from Nutrisystem is good but it's only 120 calories. I feel like this is not enough calories, even with the 80 calorie yogurt and cookies I had around 10 am. I don't count the cookies as they're technically not part of the program. Once they're gone, they're gone as I used to get them at Christmas Tree Shops and they are now closed. You can get them online but the prices are ridiculous and I'm not paying it. I can live without them ! Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. I was too lazy to throw a salad together. Afternoon snack was an apple and 80 calorie cottage cheese. Dinner was broccoli and roasted turkey medallions. Evening snack was a 140 calorie lemon zest cake. I also had 2 Pop Tarts.

After work I was scrolling through news on my phone and saw that rain is predicted for the the next 3 days. It was 5:50 pm but I threw my shoes on and broke out the lawn mower. I managed to get the entire lawn mowed by just after 7 pm. It was almost fully dark by then ! The days are getting so short ! I had to take a short break for battery recharge so I cooked my broccoli while I waited. I'm so glad to have that done because it would have gotten super long after 3 days of rain ! I didn't get on the treadmill today but I got some exercise and that is the goal ! Once I was done I took a quick shower since I was sweaty and I had sprayed myself with insect repellant. I got a little weak towards the end of my shower and had to go sit on my bed in front of the fan for a few minutes. Once I ate my dinner I was fine. 

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday and the lawn is done and I have no plans for the weekend ! My house is such a mess and I plan to do some serious cleaning. I do have to grocery shop but that won't take long.

*** The content above was written 10-5 ***

Ahhh .. FriYay ! It dawned gray but mild and I'll take that ! I had the heat on a few times in September but haven't needed it this week ! I'm really hoping that the siding helps me keep the house warmer this winter and a few dollars savings on the gas & electric bill would be nice too !

I slept pretty well last night and woke up refreshed. After feeding all the cats I was able to enjoy my first cup of coffee before work started. Work was busy today but I got a lot done ! I've been able to resolve a lot of old and ugly issues in the past month and it feels good to clear all that away and focus on new things.

I made it onto the treadmill at lunch today and I challenged myself a little. I chose a 35m2s workout with a steady pace of 2.8 mph, which is a little faster than I've been doing. Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it .. but I did ! I didn't get out of breath and I never felt like I couldn't make it ! This encourages me so much ! I did not work out after dinner and I'm a little disappointed in myself about that. I'm going to try hard this weekend to get 2 workouts per day and then carry that into next week. 

From a food perspective, it wasn't my best day. I had waffles with sugar free syrup for breakfast. At mid-morning I had a yogurt. Lunch was a chef salad and pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was an apple. Dinner is where I went off the rails. I had 9 jalapeno poppers with ranch dressing and then 2 cheddar sausage on bread. I won't be buying either product again, so when they're gone they're gone. I managed to avoid candy, so that is a win. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake.

I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 252. That is 4 pounds less than the last time I weighed myself so I'm going in the right direction.

*** The content above was written Friday 10-6 ***

Hello Saturday ! I managed to sleep until 8 am but I sure could have used another couple hours. My body said nope so I got up and faced the gray gloomy day. It looked and felt like Fall ! We had drizzly rain on and off - remnants of Ophelia I guess. I'm SO glad I got the lawn mowed. For once in my life I didn't just give up and then suffer the consequences. The old me wouldn't have cared what the lawn looked like and I'd have let the grass grow no matter how high it got.

While procrastinating instead of working on my "to do" list, I spent some time thinking about my relationship with food. In the past 9 months, while I was supposed to be getting this weight off, I veered off course so many times with impulse items. What struck me is the fact that in almost every case the impulse item was not good. I bought the Banquet version of KFC's famous bowls - which contain mashed potatoes, gravy, chicken tender, cheese and corn. They weren't good. I won't buy them again. I also bought frozen chicken tenders and ranch dressing. The tenders were crap. I won't buy them again. I've been to DQ a few times and the last 2 times the burger was crap. The last time I went the burger was crap AND the fries were crap. I won't go there again. I've bought frozen mac & cheese and .. you guessed it, it was crap ! I won't buy that again either. I was buying Hoffman hot dogs, which are good, but they recently changed them to 14 ounce packages and the hot dogs are uniform size. My entire life they have been in 16 ounce packages and in varying sizes. This is a prime example of "shrinkflation". Why not just increase the price ? Needles to say, I will never buy them again. I've bought Johnsonville cheddar sausages recently too. They are pretty good but so bad for me. I won't buy them again. I think I have like 6 of them left. Ice cream is my Achilles Heel. I just love it and had it too often this past summer. I have to institute a rule that I can have it when I'm out but I will not buy it at the grocery store. Candy is another problem. I can't have it in the house because I can't control myself. This too will be limited to buying ONE candy bar while I'm out. Pop Tarts are another recent problem. I do love them but they have a lot of sugar and way too many calories. When my current supply is gone, that's it. I will not buy them again. I went through a Tootsie roll phase and although it has passed, I have a candy dish full of them ! No more ! The cookies I've been having with yogurt are almost gone too. I have about 1 1/2 stacks left and then that's it ! They are called Gullon Tea & Coffee Biscuits and I used to get them at Christmas Tree Shops. They are closed now and the prices for this product online are more than double the $3.99 that I used to pay for them. Add shipping and the cost is ridiculous. They're a little high on calories too. I've been overdoing the whipped cream on my evening snack as well. Mounds of whipped cream is just ridiculous, so I will scale that back too. I was shocked to read that based on the "serving size", one can = 74 servings. I'm lucky if it lasts a week ! My last "impulse" buy was a huge box of jalapeno poppers. I had some for dinner last night and guess what ? They weren't that good !!! I threw what is left in the trash ! Why eat all that fat and calories when they aren't delicious ? All of these "little" things have resulted in my gaining over 80 pounds !

I have to keep reminding myself about all these experiences with food that fell flat. I took in so many calories eating things that did not taste good ! Eliminate all the bad things (along with ice cream & candy) and what is left ? Whipped cream and Pop Tarts. They're really the only 2 things I truly enjoy that are not incredibly bad for me. So #1, I will reduce the amount of whipped cream I use. #2 Pop Tarts will be an occasional treat, not an every day occurrence. I feel like that's a fair compromise.

I'm still having trouble getting into a reasonable exercise routine. Part of the problem is a lot of my sports bras are too tight and therefore uncomfortable. This weekend I will store the tight ones and make sure I am wearing the comfy ones until I lose a little bit of weight. A BIG issue I have is during the week I absolutely must get dressed, make my protein shake and put my sneakers on before noon. That gives me ZERO excuses not to get on the treadmill !

Today's project was the laundry room and litter boxes. The whole room was overdue for a cleaning and the litter boxes were just a mess. Why can't I fall into the habit of cleaning them every day ? It takes minutes ! It is pure laziness on my part and I need to change that. I got the job done and finally put down the area rug I bought back in July. It looks nice and my hope is that it will catch some of the litter that the cats track all over and keep the floor cleaner. It'll be easy to vacuum !

From a food perspective the day went well (it's 6 pm as I write this, pre-dinner). Breakfast was pancakes with sugar free syrup and late morning was a yogurt with a few of my waning supply of cookies. Lunch was a beef, bean & cheese burrito with salsa. Afternoon snack was a big Honeycrisp apple and a little later I had 1/2 cup of cottage cheese. Dinner was broccoli and a meatloaf sandwich. 

One treat I've been having lately is a squirt of caramel or chocolate syrup in my coffee once or twice a day. I had bought them to put on ice cream and the ice cream is long gone, so I've been putting a little caramel in my caramel flavored coffee and a little chocolate in my chocolate flavored coffee. Both of these have a fair amount of sugar and I planned to buy more and keep using it. However, I've decided against that because it's extra sugar and calories I don't need. It's really time for me to play hardball when it comes to "extras". 

Tomorrow is grocery day and my goal is to come home with NOTHING extra. No pizza. No hot dogs or sausage. No candy. No baked goods. No ice cream. No frozen snacks or entrees. I need to stop self-medicating with food. I'd like to start medicating with exercise because I KNOW it makes me feel good !

For whatever reason, evening seems to be my biggest problem. I think I get bored and start thinking about food OR I don't eat everything I'm supposed to and wind up starving after dinner. Today I stretched out the day to the point that I had dinner at 7 pm. I will have my evening snack just before I go to bed. 

*** The content above was written 10-7 ***

TODAY IS THE DAY !!!!

I finally feel "ready" to rev up this weight loss and exercise journey. Maybe I've detoxed a little from the sugar and other junk I've been eating while I piled on the pounds. Maybe I'm just sick and tired of being fat again. I don't know. I definitely feel like I'm in the right mindset to buckle down and work hard ! Sugar is definitely a little bit of an addiction and the more I have of it, the more I crave it. Let it go for a couple days and that craving fades quickly. This is why I have to let the caramel & chocolate in my coffee go. As I said yesterday, it's extra calories and sugar that I do not need. I took my vitamins yesterday (other than my calcium and magnesium) and that is another habit I need to put more effort into. Exercise is on the agenda today too. 

I woke up several times during the night and could hear the rain pounding the house. It was raining when I got up (around 7:40 am) and I was so glad I put the heat on before I went to bed last night. That was mostly to avoid dampness setting in, but the low was forecast at 48 and I didn't want to get up to a cold house either. We had some heavy downpours right after I got up, but by 9 am it seemed like the rain was moving out. I was happy about that as I needed to go to the grocery store !

Another "addiction" I need to work on is reading news stories. Yet again, I am so sick of reading about people that kill their whole family. What in the actual hell is going on in this world ? I have to stop reading all this junk. It's incredibly sad each and every time I see this, but there is nothing I can personally do to change it. It makes me so sad. To that end, I changed my "start page" in Edge to my blog and my "new tab" page to Microsoft with quick links to Facebook and Google. No more news staring me in the face and dragging me down the rabbit hole ! Guess what ? I'm sick and tired of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle stories. I don't care about that entire narrative. I'm sick of the endless political narratives as well. Our government is corrupt to the point of no return. Nothing I can do about that either, other than voting once a year. I am also sick of the celebrity stories. Do I care about the Kardashian drama ? No. Do I care about the marriages and divorces ? No. Do I care about Taylor Swift's flavor of the month ? No. Do I care about the immigrant crisis ? Not really. It doesn't really stretch into my neck of the woods and again, there is nothing I can personally do about it. I feel sorry for the generations to come because they are going to eventually get a rude awakening. Immigrants built this country, but they came here legally and worked hard. Nobody gave them free housing. There was no welfare or food stamps. They got jobs and worked hard. Anyone who comes to this country and works hard for everything they have is welcome, in my book. Sadly, those type of people are few and far between. There is plenty of entitlement in people who were born and raised in this country. The young people who don't want to work and expect everything to be free are going to wake up one day and realize they have nothing because they worked for nothing. I personally know someone who laments the fact that they can't afford to buy a home, but doesn't want to work hard to make that happen. Suggestions to express interest in learning new skills with their current employer result in eye rolls. Suggestions to go to school (online!) to learn a new skill are immediately rejected. This person just wants to enjoy the fun parts of life and expects everything else to just fall into their lap. 

Ugh. Enough on that nonsense. I could go on for days. People just need to suck it up and work for what they want. I'm fortunate to have the job I do, but I worked hard to get where I am and I work even harder to maintain what I have. I worked hard to pay off my debt and I've sacrificed to maintain it. Like my mother, I thoroughly enjoyed going to the casino every week but I had to give it up. I was tired of wasting my money and when mom died it just wasn't the same either. Yes, I'm fortunate that my inheritance from my mother allowed me to side my house, but giving up the casino has helped make it easier to pay the bills every month and have money left over. The reality is I spent years with nothing, living in a disaster of a home, so I feel like I deserve where I am in life now. It feels good to have no debt other than my mortgage and car payment. It feels good to know my Disney trip is 100% paid for. It feels good to buy whatever I want without worry. When money was tight there were so many things I "wanted". I never really knew exactly what I wanted and now that I have the money, I pass by all those expensive things like designer bags, shoes and clothes. In the back of my mind I remember the lean times and I think that holds me back, which is good ! 

Just before 10 am I decided it was time to stop being lazy and get my fat ass to the grocery store. Is today the day ? I'd like to think so. I woke up early - 5:30 am - and rather than forcing myself to go back to sleep I opted to get up. It's nice to have extra time before the work day starts. I didn't have to rush through feeding my cats or the strays outside. I made my bed. I got dressed (sneakers included!). I had breakfast. I enjoyed 2 cups of coffee.

*** The content above was written on 9-29. It wasn't the day .. lol ***

So what's gone on since 9-29 ? Well, that was Thursday. Friday was a mostly uneventful work day. I did get on the treadmill during my lunch hour ! I put in 28m31s plus 6 minutes warm up/cool down for a total of 34m31s. I also swapped out the seat on the bike again (I had put the original seat back on) and made some more adjustments. I didn't have the seat high enough and that is why the reach to the handlebars seemed too long. Saturday was a lost day but a fun day ! I went to Beak and Skiff with Kim and Lauren. We were disappointed to find that they are phasing out their apple wines and focusing on the hard cider and spirits, along with their CBD products. I bought a couple 4 packs of hard cider (cider donut and honeycrisp) and a bag of honeycrisp apples. Lauren got apple fritters and I had one, they were delicious ! From there we went to a place called Crazy Daisies. It's kind of a greenhouse with a bar/tavern. They had a fall festival going on with quite a few vendors. I bought a couple jars of a good salsa. I'll have that with my Nutrisystem burritos. We had lunch/dinner there. I got a buffalo chicken pizza and a cocktail flight. The pizza was awesome and I ate it all. We sat and chatted for a long time and then headed home. I stopped at Walmart on the way home and also treated myself to a frozen coffee. It was after 6:30 by the time I got home and I was tired. Sunday was another busy day. I went on a train ride with Rich & Barb, Michelle & Mike, Kim and Joe and Lauren. I left the house at 8:30, grabbed a coffee at Dunkin and headed to Kim's house. Turned out Joe wasn't feeling up to driving and they asked me to drive. I was a little nervous about that, but they drive all the time so of course I agreed ! We got to the train station in one piece, so that was a plus ! Our departure was delayed 90 minutes - they claimed due to a NYS inspection but by the end of the day we suspected mechanical issues. The train went oddly slow and seemed to stop at every crossing. Regardless, we had a good time ! It just turned into a much longer day as we expected to be back to the station by 3:30 and it was closer to 6 ! Rich & Barb and Michelle & Mike didn't want to stop to have dinner as they needed to get home to their dogs, so Kim & Joe and Lauren and I decided to go to Coppertop Tavern in North Syracuse. I love their Bang Bang Chicken dish and it was delicious. I brought half home because the portion is so huge. They paid for my dinner since I drove, which was nice ! I got home just before 7. Once I fed the cats I had to get all my stuff ready to go to the office Monday. I also needed to catch up my slot machine games. I was in bed before 10 and slept pretty good until the alarm went off at 4 am ! The day went off without a hitch. We made it to the office before 8 am, took a 30 minute lunch and headed out at 4:30. Google Maps took us on a different route which seemed so much easier and I was back home just before 7. I fed the cats, had my leftovers, caught up my games, took a shower and was in bed before 9:30 ! 

This brings me up to date and to today. I went out to pay my school taxes today and got to thinking I hadn't received my quarterly water bill. I called the Village and sure enough, it was due 10-1 and I got hit with a $19 late fee. It seems like once a year I don't receive the bill. It's very frustrating. I went and paid the bill and found out I can create an online account that will send me email reminders and allow me to view the bill online. I signed right up and should never have another late fee ! I also requested text reminders, so we'll see how that works in December when the next bill comes out.

I dove right into my work day today and was too distracted to even think about exercise. I am also still tired after 3 straight days of activity. Goal for tomorrow is to be dressed and ready for the treadmill at noon. My biggest challenge, which sounds SO stupid, is getting my sneakers on before noon rolls around. I find that if I'm "dressed and ready to go" at noon, I'm more inclined to get on the treadmill. I also need to have my protein shake prepared. I'm going to try getting all this done BEFORE I start working each day. It seems like once I dive into work I don't lift my head until noon .. and then it's too late. I thought about mowing the lawn after work today but I'm tired. I also need to clean litter boxes .. but I'm tired. I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep I can hit the ground running tomorrow !

I'm slowly coming to terms with the changes I need to make in what I eat or have in the house. My candy supply is dwindling and will not be replaced. Pop Tarts will not be replaced. I've successfully given up ice cream. My cookie supply is dwindling. I still have a few of the tea biscuits I've been having with my yogurt, but once they are gone I am done. No more Chex Mix. I'm a little tired of salad right now and Walmart didn't have any Saturday, so I'm subbing in frozen veggies sometimes at lunch. I do have a head of lettuce I broke up today so I'll have salad the rest of the week. I also have to work on eating everything I'm supposed to. Today I had pancakes for breakfast and then finished off the cheese danish I bought Saturday (no more of those either). I never had my protein shake. At lunch time I had a yogurt & cookies, then an apple. Much later I had a pepperoni pizza melt. By dinner time I was starving and pounded down a few candy bars before dinner was ready. Dinner was broccoli & roasted turkey medallions. I haven't been eating in bed for a few days so that is another habit I'm getting under control. I weighed myself the other day and I was at 256. I am so disgusted with myself. I am going to Disney in 2 months and I'm going there FAT. I am going to try so much harder between now and 12/3. Just losing 30 pounds would be a huge help. 

*** The content above was written 10-3 ***

Today I am feeling more encouraged and more motivated to get this weight back off. I made sure to get dressed, get my sneaks on and mix up my protein shake before noon today. At noon I fed Abby and then hit the treadmill for 36m19s, which includes my standard 3 minute warm up and 3 minute cool down. The workout was a steady pace of 2.5 mph unless the incline was steep. I did have to hold on to the bars for about a minute after a fairly long stretch at 8% incline but managed to get through the brief 5%, 8% and 10% as the workout progressed. I also scheduled a 35 minute workout for after work .. then sat on the couch until after 7. Baby steps.

From a food perspective, I did good today. Breakfast was waffles with sugar free syrup. I had my yogurt just before 2 pm. I had a beef bean & cheese burrito with salsa for lunch around 3 pm. I had an apple around 4 pm. After work I had a quick snack of cottage cheese, with every intention of getting on the treadmill. I'm trying to stretch out my eating so that dinner is later in hopes of avoiding the evening hungries that I give in to so often. Dinner was chicken fettuccine alfredo over riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake. 

*** The content above was written 10-4 ***

From a diet and exercise perspective, yesterday was a good day. Today I had every intention of working out at noon but I made a couple of mistakes. #1 I didn't have my sneaks on before noon #2 I didn't have my protein shake ready #3 I was in the middle of something for work and didn't want to abandon it mid-way, so I actually didn't go to lunch until about 12:20. I promised myself I would get that workout in after work .. but that didn't work out.

Breakfast today was french toast with sugar free syrup. This offering from Nutrisystem is good but it's only 120 calories. I feel like this is not enough calories, even with the 80 calorie yogurt and cookies I had around 10 am. I don't count the cookies as they're technically not part of the program. Once they're gone, they're gone as I used to get them at Christmas Tree Shops and they are now closed. You can get them online but the prices are ridiculous and I'm not paying it. I can live without them ! Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. I was too lazy to throw a salad together. Afternoon snack was an apple and 80 calorie cottage cheese. Dinner was broccoli and roasted turkey medallions. Evening snack was a 140 calorie lemon zest cake. I also had 2 Pop Tarts.

After work I was scrolling through news on my phone and saw that rain is predicted for the the next 3 days. It was 5:50 pm but I threw my shoes on and broke out the lawn mower. I managed to get the entire lawn mowed by just after 7 pm. It was almost fully dark by then ! The days are getting so short ! I had to take a short break for battery recharge so I cooked my broccoli while I waited. I'm so glad to have that done because it would have gotten super long after 3 days of rain ! I didn't get on the treadmill today but I got some exercise and that is the goal ! Once I was done I took a quick shower since I was sweaty and I had sprayed myself with insect repellant. I got a little weak towards the end of my shower and had to go sit on my bed in front of the fan for a few minutes. Once I ate my dinner I was fine. 

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday and the lawn is done and I have no plans for the weekend ! My house is such a mess and I plan to do some serious cleaning. I do have to grocery shop but that won't take long.

*** The content above was written 10-5 ***

Ahhh .. FriYay ! It dawned gray but mild and I'll take that ! I had the heat on a few times in September but haven't needed it this week ! I'm really hoping that the siding helps me keep the house warmer this winter and a few dollars savings on the gas & electric bill would be nice too !

I slept pretty well last night and woke up refreshed. After feeding all the cats I was able to enjoy my first cup of coffee before work started. Work was busy today but I got a lot done ! I've been able to resolve a lot of old and ugly issues in the past month and it feels good to clear all that away and focus on new things.

I made it onto the treadmill at lunch today and I challenged myself a little. I chose a 35m2s workout with a steady pace of 2.8 mph, which is a little faster than I've been doing. Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it .. but I did ! I didn't get out of breath and I never felt like I couldn't make it ! This encourages me so much ! I did not work out after dinner and I'm a little disappointed in myself about that. I'm going to try hard this weekend to get 2 workouts per day and then carry that into next week. 

From a food perspective, it wasn't my best day. I had waffles with sugar free syrup for breakfast. At mid-morning I had a yogurt. Lunch was a chef salad and pepperoni pizza melt. Afternoon snack was an apple. Dinner is where I went off the rails. I had 9 jalapeno poppers with ranch dressing and then 2 cheddar sausage on bread. I won't be buying either product again, so when they're gone they're gone. I managed to avoid candy, so that is a win. Evening snack was a chocolate cupcake.

I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 252. That is 4 pounds less than the last time I weighed myself so I'm going in the right direction.

*** The content above was written Friday 10-6 ***

Hello Saturday ! I managed to sleep until 8 am but I sure could have used another couple hours. My body said nope so I got up and faced the gray gloomy day. It looked and felt like Fall ! We had drizzly rain on and off - remnants of Ophelia I guess. I'm SO glad I got the lawn mowed. For once in my life I didn't just give up and then suffer the consequences. The old me wouldn't have cared what the lawn looked like and I'd have let the grass grow no matter how high it got.

While procrastinating instead of working on my "to do" list, I spent some time thinking about my relationship with food. In the past 9 months, while I was supposed to be getting this weight off, I veered off course so many times with impulse items. What struck me is the fact that in almost every case the impulse item was not good. I bought the Banquet version of KFC's famous bowls - which contain mashed potatoes, gravy, chicken tender, cheese and corn. They weren't good. I won't buy them again. I also bought frozen chicken tenders and ranch dressing. The tenders were crap. I won't buy them again. I've been to DQ a few times and the last 2 times the burger was crap. The last time I went the burger was crap AND the fries were crap. I won't go there again. I've bought frozen mac & cheese and .. you guessed it, it was crap ! I won't buy that again either. I was buying Hoffman hot dogs, which are good, but they recently changed them to 14 ounce packages and the hot dogs are uniform size. My entire life they have been in 16 ounce packages and in varying sizes. This is a prime example of "shrinkflation". Why not just increase the price ? Needles to say, I will never buy them again. I've bought Johnsonville cheddar sausages recently too. They are pretty good but so bad for me. I won't buy them again. I think I have like 6 of them left. Ice cream is my Achilles Heel. I just love it and had it too often this past summer. I have to institute a rule that I can have it when I'm out but I will not buy it at the grocery store. Candy is another problem. I can't have it in the house because I can't control myself. This too will be limited to buying ONE candy bar while I'm out. Pop Tarts are another recent problem. I do love them but they have a lot of sugar and way too many calories. When my current supply is gone, that's it. I will not buy them again. I went through a Tootsie roll phase and although it has passed, I have a candy dish full of them ! No more ! The cookies I've been having with yogurt are almost gone too. I have about 1 1/2 stacks left and then that's it ! They are called Gullon Tea & Coffee Biscuits and I used to get them at Christmas Tree Shops. They are closed now and the prices for this product online are more than double the $3.99 that I used to pay for them. Add shipping and the cost is ridiculous. They're a little high on calories too. I've been overdoing the whipped cream on my evening snack as well. Mounds of whipped cream is just ridiculous, so I will scale that back too. I was shocked to read that based on the "serving size", one can = 74 servings. I'm lucky if it lasts a week ! My last "impulse" buy was a huge box of jalapeno poppers. I had some for dinner last night and guess what ? They weren't that good !!! I threw what is left in the trash ! Why eat all that fat and calories when they aren't delicious ? All of these "little" things have resulted in my gaining over 80 pounds !

I have to keep reminding myself about all these experiences with food that fell flat. I took in so many calories eating things that did not taste good ! Eliminate all the bad things (along with ice cream & candy) and what is left ? Whipped cream and Pop Tarts. They're really the only 2 things I truly enjoy that are not incredibly bad for me. So #1, I will reduce the amount of whipped cream I use. #2 Pop Tarts will be an occasional treat, not an every day occurrence. I feel like that's a fair compromise.

I'm still having trouble getting into a reasonable exercise routine. Part of the problem is a lot of my sports bras are too tight and therefore uncomfortable. This weekend I will store the tight ones and make sure I am wearing the comfy ones until I lose a little bit of weight. A BIG issue I have is during the week I absolutely must get dressed, make my protein shake and put my sneakers on before noon. That gives me ZERO excuses not to get on the treadmill !

Today's project was the laundry room and litter boxes. The whole room was overdue for a cleaning and the litter boxes were just a mess. Why can't I fall into the habit of cleaning them every day ? It takes minutes ! It is pure laziness on my part and I need to change that. I got the job done and finally put down the area rug I bought back in July. It looks nice and my hope is that it will catch some of the litter that the cats track all over and keep the floor cleaner. It'll be easy to vacuum !

From a food perspective the day went well (it's 6 pm as I write this, pre-dinner). Breakfast was pancakes with sugar free syrup and late morning was a yogurt with a few of my waning supply of cookies. Lunch was a beef, bean & cheese burrito with salsa. Afternoon snack was a big Honeycrisp apple and a little later I had 1/2 cup of cottage cheese. Dinner was broccoli and a meatloaf sandwich. 

One treat I've been having lately is a squirt of caramel or chocolate syrup in my coffee once or twice a day. I had bought them to put on ice cream and the ice cream is long gone, so I've been putting a little caramel in my caramel flavored coffee and a little chocolate in my chocolate flavored coffee. Both of these have a fair amount of sugar and I planned to buy more and keep using it. However, I've decided against that because it's extra sugar and calories I don't need. It's really time for me to play hardball when it comes to "extras". 

Tomorrow is grocery day and my goal is to come home with NOTHING extra. No pizza. No hot dogs or sausage. No candy. No baked goods. No ice cream. No frozen snacks or entrees. I need to stop self-medicating with food. I'd like to start medicating with exercise because I KNOW it makes me feel good !

For whatever reason, evening seems to be my biggest problem. I think I get bored and start thinking about food OR I don't eat everything I'm supposed to and wind up starving after dinner. Today I stretched out the day to the point that I had dinner at 7 pm. I will have my evening snack just before I go to bed. 

*** The content above was written 10-7 ***

TODAY IS THE DAY !!!!

I finally feel "ready" to rev up this weight loss and exercise journey. Maybe I've detoxed a little from the sugar and other junk I've been eating while I piled on the pounds. Maybe I'm just sick and tired of being fat again. I don't know. I definitely feel like I'm in the right mindset to buckle down and work hard ! Sugar is definitely a little bit of an addiction and the more I have of it, the more I crave it. Let it go for a couple days and that craving fades quickly. This is why I have to let the caramel & chocolate in my coffee go. As I said yesterday, it's extra calories and sugar that I do not need. I took my vitamins yesterday (other than my calcium and magnesium) and that is another habit I need to put more effort into. Exercise is on the agenda today too. 

I woke up several times during the night and could hear the rain pounding the house. It was raining when I got up (around 7:40 am) and I was so glad I put the heat on before I went to bed last night. That was mostly to avoid dampness setting in, but the low was forecast at 48 and I didn't want to get up to a cold house either. We had some heavy downpours right after I got up, but by 9 am it seemed like the rain was moving out. I was happy about that as I needed to go to the grocery store !

Another "addiction" I need to work on is reading news stories. Yet again, I am so sick of reading about people that kill their whole family. What in the actual hell is going on in this world ? I have to stop reading all this junk. It's incredibly sad each and every time I see this, but there is nothing I can personally do to change it. It makes me so sad. To that end, I changed my "start page" in Edge to my blog and my "new tab" page to Microsoft with quick links to Facebook and Google. No more news staring me in the face and dragging me down the rabbit hole ! Guess what ? I'm sick and tired of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle stories. I don't care about that entire narrative. I'm sick of the endless political narratives as well. Our government is corrupt to the point of no return. Nothing I can do about that either, other than voting once a year. I am also sick of the celebrity stories. Do I care about the Kardashian drama ? No. Do I care about the marriages and divorces ? No. Do I care about Taylor Swift's flavor of the month ? No. Do I care about the immigrant crisis ? Not really. It doesn't really stretch into my neck of the woods and again, there is nothing I can personally do about it. I feel sorry for the generations to come because they are going to eventually get a rude awakening. Immigrants built this country, but they came here legally and worked hard. Nobody gave them free housing. There was no welfare or food stamps. They got jobs and worked hard. Anyone who comes to this country and works hard for everything they have is welcome, in my book. Sadly, those type of people are few and far between. There is plenty of entitlement in people who were born and raised in this country. The young people who don't want to work and expect everything to be free are going to wake up one day and realize they have nothing because they worked for nothing. I personally know someone who laments the fact that they can't afford to buy a home, but doesn't want to work hard to make that happen. Suggestions to express interest in learning new skills with their current employer result in eye rolls. Suggestions to go to school (online!) to learn a new skill are immediately rejected. This person just wants to enjoy the fun parts of life and expects everything else to just fall into their lap. 

Ugh. Enough on that nonsense. I could go on for days. People just need to suck it up and work for what they want. I'm fortunate to have the job I do, but I worked hard to get where I am and I work even harder to maintain what I have. I worked hard to pay off my debt and I've sacrificed to maintain it. Like my mother, I thoroughly enjoyed going to the casino every week but I had to give it up. I was tired of wasting my money and when mom died it just wasn't the same either. Yes, I'm fortunate that my inheritance from my mother allowed me to side my house, but giving up the casino has helped make it easier to pay the bills every month and have money left over. The reality is I spent years with nothing, living in a disaster of a home, so I feel like I deserve where I am in life now. It feels good to have no debt other than my mortgage and car payment. It feels good to know my Disney trip is 100% paid for. It feels good to buy whatever I want without worry. When money was tight there were so many things I "wanted". I never really knew exactly what I wanted and now that I have the money, I pass by all those expensive things like designer bags, shoes and clothes. In the back of my mind I remember the lean times and I think that holds me back, which is good ! 

Just before 10 am I decided it was time to stop being lazy and get my fat ass to the grocery store. Well, the day went downhill fast. Somehow I dropped my phone and some dishonest dirtbag picked it up. I went to Wegman's in Cicero and then Walmart in Cicero. From there I went to Walmart in Central Square. I didn't realize my phone was gone until I was leaving Walmart in Central Square. I remember hearing a little bit of a clunk but for the life of me I couldn't remember which store I was in when that happened. I drove back to Cicero and checked at both stores and no one had turned it in. I then drove back to Central Square and they didn't have it either. I was pretty sure it wasn't at home but I headed home hoping to find it there. It wasn't there, so I went online and used "Find My Phone" to see if it was at either of the stores. It wasn't .. it was clearly on the move. From there I contacted ATT because I couldn't even log into my account - it wanted to send a text to my phone ! The agent online couldn't help and told me to go to a phone store. I was glad there is one in Oswego and it was open ! So I quick put my refrigerator stuff away and headed out. $600 later I walked out with a new S23+ ! I ha to pay off the remaining balance of $500 on my old phone (no insurance) and then pay the tax for the new phone. I also bought a case, so the total bill was almost $600. All I could think about during the drive to and from Oswego was FOOD ! I wanted something to assuage my anxiety. I managed to reign that in and settled for PopTarts and a cup of coffee when I got home. By 7 pm I had the new phone all set up. I also charged my old S10 and will be trading that in. That saves me $800 on the new phone. I have to take another trip to the phone store to drop off the trade, so I'll probably do that tomorrow after work. I also ordered a new custom case. I ordered the same one I had and I should have than within the next 10 days. Judging from the activity on the Allstate app, it appears I lost the phone in Cicero. I signed the phone out of my Google account as soon as I got home and since it's password locked, I doubt anyone can access my data. The phone store deactivated the sim and marked the device as stolen, so they can't activate it on the ATT network. It's also locked to ATT, so they won't be able to get another carrier to activate it. Basically it's useless to them unless they can swap in an ATT sim. I don't even know if that is even an option. At this point it doesn't matter. The phone is gone and I have a new and better one, so I'm happy. I do plan to change passwords on some of my more important accounts, just in case ! I will also never leave my phone in the outside pocket of my purse ! 

*** The content above was written 10-8 ***

Heavy sigh. It feels like "the day" is never going to come. Yet again something came along to derail my resolve. I choose to look on the bright side and examine the fallout of yesterday. The bad: I spent $600 I didn't plan on. The good: I have a beautiful brand new phone.

The bad: I didn't exercise all weekend. The good: I didn't stuff my face all weekend. I didn't exactly stick to Nutrisystem yesterday, but I'm going to give myself a rare pass. Yesterday was a very stressful day. I had waffles for breakfast and yogurt with cookies before I went out. After my crazy day I had PopTarts, then 3 Johnsonville sausage on bread. I also have 6 fun size candy bars. I took 2 Nutrisystem ice cream sandwiches to bed with me.

Today I woke rested and ready to face the work week. Google told me the address where my phone ended up, but at this point it's not worth pursuing. Why risk my life over $600 ? So I'm working on letting that go. My hope is that bad karma visits that person. Someone who would walk off with a phone they find is eventually going to pay for their lack of character. As far as I'm concerned, they are nothing but a low class loser. The money I had to spend is not even a concern, considering I regularly threw away $400 or more at the casino. My only concern is the privacy of my data that was on the phone. With it password protected and now deactivated, they shouldn't be able to access anything. I also sent an "erase" request from Find My Phone, so if it ever comes online it should wipe it out. I'm thinking it never will because it's locked to ATT and if they try to activate on ATT it should come up as stolen. Who knows .. maybe they can jailbreak it and get it activated on another carrier, but even if they do it won't have my data because my data is associated to my now inactive sim. So from a data security perspective, I think I'm ok.  I still plan to start changing passwords, mostly because it's a smart thing to do periodically. I will also use 2 factor authentication wherever it is offered.